'REEFER MADNESS' PLAYING NOW IN THE PORTSMOUTH BUDGET

A miracle from Heaven is about to become the answer to a Portsmouth
politician's prayers. Eliot, Maine, is soon to open a medical marijuana clinic.

It is accepted that marijuana provides relief for pain and nausea.
And there have certainly been enough of both in the current budget season.

Councilor Ken Smith has to be in excruciating pain from all the
contortions he has gone through trying to slide out from under the
promise he made to bring in a budget decrease. Yes, councilor, that
would be a budget that is actually smaller than the prior year's. We
have to admit that it was painful to hear him try to shift
responsibility for the city budget to the state Legislature. After
listening to him, we may find it necessary to slip across the river
ourselves. No, wait, we have no idea what to do with a joint, or if
it's even still called that.

Councilor Smith was brought back to earth with a painful thud when
Councilor Spear reminded him that perhaps some of the fault does lie
with the Legislature, but the responsibility for the final budget
number lies squarely within the City Council's purview. That must
have hurt. Don't worry, councilor, we'll get you a taxi to make it to
Eliot. We believe a designated driver is appropriate here.

Mistah Mayor must be suffering from painful whiplash. His neck had to
have snapped from starting with talk of a 4-percent decrease to
supporting a 3.5-percent increase. We're getting dizzy just thinking
about it. He may require several visits to the clinic along side
visits to the chiropractor.

Councilor Clayburgh's temples have to be throbbing. At least she had
the good sense to keep quiet after breaking her promise. Said promise
did seem too good to be true, even when given. Her connection with
the school system is just too deep, and no meaningful cut is possible
without major surgery on the school budget. But relief is at hand.

The politician obviously suffering the most at the moment is
Councilor Dwyer. We can only infer from her complaint about having
been "bullied" that she feels victimized by those including the
Association of Portsmouth Taxpayers. We are truly crushed to find an
elected official pulling out the "you can't hit a girl" card in
political debate.

We hope that School Board Chair Mitch Schulman will be able to take a
long rest and retreat over the river. Near the end he was in a truly
agitated state. Eliot is an idyllic spot, and they even have their
own Irving station.

City Manager Bohenko will definitely need some relief. Trying to keep
his fingers in every single facet of this circus has got to hurt. We
are still puzzled as to why he is intent on breaking every joint in
his body to keep from releasing files in a form that might actually
be useful. He may have to carefully consider the wisdom of a trip to
the clinic, as in our younger days we did witness mild paranoia in
some pot users. He doesn't seem to need any more as it appears he
believes that the citizens that he serves are out to get him. Loosen
up your suspenders a little, Mr. City Manager. Set those files free.
Then ease yourself over to Eliot. You'll feel better.

There are five councilors who should not be suffering and are surely
sleeping soundly. Bob Lister did exactly as he said he would. He
stood his ground. We may not like his position, but we have to
respect it. Councilors Spear, Kennedy, Coviello and Hejtmanek fought
the good fight. Relief in Eliot should not be necessary.

Chuck Doleac and his "People of the Pool" should be feeling no pain.
They probably haven't stopped partying. Well played, folks. It's time
to get moving, though. Eighteen months isn't much time in which to
turn that sow's ear into a silk purse.

The WAVE people are truly lost souls. They actually think that the
school budget was decreased. They bled emotion all over the place,
and were consistently undeterred by factual information. The most
irresponsible prostituted their children's public tears. Perhaps
instead of going to Eliot these folks just need to breathe into a
paper bag. And take Parenting 101: Always protect your children from
the fallout of adult issues.

The people who lost the most in this whole ordeal are the Portsmouth
taxpayers. What no one, including this august newspaper, has pointed
out is that the increase is twice that of inflation.

The taxpayers are not going to be able to slip over the river to ease
the pain or the nausea. They will be too damn busy shoveling against
the tide to pay for what this city cannot afford.

Mark Brighton and Ramona Charland are residents of Portsmouth