SEX, DRUGS AND THE JOB MARKET FRIED RICE HEIDI RICE

"What are you so engrossed in?" Husband-Head asked curiously as I sat
on the couch reading intently. "I haven't seen you reading anything so
intently since the 'Kama Sutra.'"

He was referring to the famous ancient Indian Hindu manual on sex and
sexual positions.

"I have NOT read the Kama Sutra!" I said indignantly.

"I know," Husband-Head agreed with a sigh. "But I've always hoped you
would. ..."

I held up the brochure I was reading.

"Greenway University?" Husband-Head said with surprise. "Are you
thinking about going back to college or something? You didn't like
school when you were in school -- why would you go back?"

Because I've been a reporter for the past 20 years and having recently
lost my job, I felt like I needed to learn some new skills to find
other employment.

"What kind of classes are you thinking of taking?" Husband-Head wanted
to know. "And ... hey ... why is there a pot leaf on the cover of that
brochure?"

I explained that Greenway University in Denver was the first medical
marijuana school in the country to be given the green light after
being recently being approved by the Colorado Department of Higher
Education.

"What do you mean 'medical marijuana school?'" Husband-Head said,
completely baffled by such an idea.

"They teach you how to grow, sell and distribute marijuana," I said
simply. "And then you can open your own medical marijuana dispensary,
or sell it or even make edible marijuana products. It's vocational
like culinary or cosmetology schools, only it's pot."

Husband-Head looked completely aghast.

I pointed out the class courses, which included how to open a
dispensary and delivery service; fundamentals of running a medical
marijuana business; and the art of successful cultivation and grow
operations.

"That's stupid -- everyone knows how to grow pot!" Husband-Head
exclaimed. "You put a bunch of plants in your basement with some grow
lights and then sit around and wait for the cops to raid the house and
bust you!"

Maybe in the old days, but not anymore. In Colorado, medical marijuana
is one of the fastest growing industries in the state right now with
dispensaries popping up all over. In our town alone, there are four
dispensaries downtown and three more pending applications.

"You know, when I was in college, people used to cut class and go out
to get stoned," Husband-Head mused. "I'll bet that wouldn't be a
problem at this school. ..."

Probably not.

"And I'll bet a lot more kids would go to pot college after high
school than a traditional four-year school," I added.

I read some more out of the brochure.

"Like culinary and cosmetology schools, Greenway University's
curriculum is approved by the board, and instructors have to meet
certain qualifications," the brochure stated. "Our growers have a
minimum of five years experience."

"Some of my college buddies have WAY more experience than that!"
Husband-Head scoffed. "They could easily be pot professors at that
college!"

Then an image came to my mind.

"Wouldn't that be interesting if they put the marijuana school right
next to the culinary school?" I mused out loud. "And then maybe a
mattress store on the other side. ..."

I was kind of getting excited about the whole medical marijuana
college thing.

"You know how much I like to cook," I pointed out enthusiastically. "I
could make pot brownies and cupcakes, use marijuana instead of Italian
herbs on spaghetti, lasagna, pizza and french bread, in my marinara
sauce, omelettes ... The possibilities are simply endless!"

"You'd eat out the whole kitchen and end up weighing 300 pounds,"
Husband-Head predicted. "And you'd never be motivated enough to look
for a job. ..."

Then he made up his mind.

"I don't think I like the idea of you sitting around and being stoned
all day," he decided. "I don't think the Greenway University is right
for you."

OK, maybe he was right. So I decided to explore another field
instead.

"What're you reading now?" Husband-Head asked, next time he found me
on the couch, intently concentrating.

I raised up my book -- the "Kama Sutra."

Heidi Rice is a columnist for the Citizen Telegram and the Post
Independent. Her column runs every Thursday in the CT and every Friday
in the PI. Visit her website at www.heidirice.com to see more columns
or purchase her book collection.