'WHAT WOULD I SAY TO PARENTS?'

'You Have To Keep Being There For Them'

Barry Robitaille's mother, Suzie Hinson, divorced her alcoholic
husband when her son was just a baby. She re-married when Barry was
six. Hinson recently retired from the Canadian diplomatic corps after
12 postings. With the exception of a year at a private boarding school
near Montebello and occasional excursions back to Canada, Barry was
with his mother and stepfather during her earlier missions. She spoke
to Chris Cobb about her son's descent into drug addiction.

I felt very guilty and believed I had failed as a parent. Was it
because I got divorced when he was just a baby? Was it because I
remarried? Because we moved countries every two or three years? I
tried talking to him to find out but he was always hiding behind a
wall or a mask and I couldn't get through. Like most drug addicts, he
was lying, stealing, manipulating . and it really hurt me to be
treated like that by a child I loved.

We were back in Canada when Barry was in rehab the first time. He
appeared to be doing better but as my husband said, "he is just
telling them what they want to hear. When he's done his time, he will
start again." And he was right. That's exactly what happened.

It was very upsetting, very stressful and very difficult. It almost
caused my husband and I to divorce. I was always worried when the
phone rang and it was a collect call. If it was collect, I always knew
it had something to do with Barry.

I was the most disappointed when I found out he was using needles
because as child - 12 or 13 years old, even - he was so afraid of
needles. Then the next thing I know he is shooting up. How do you go
from one extreme to another? That's how strong and controlling drugs
can be.

I thought he was using heroin, not crack. I had no idea what you could
inject and what you couldn't. I learned all that later. It's horrible.

What would I say to parents in the same situation? You have keep
encouraging them and being there for them. There is very little else
you can do. Trying to get them to stop taking drugs is impossible. We
tried to get him out of the situation but the problem is, you can
physically pull an addict out of a situation but they will only find
another.

It's a little like giving up smoking; it has to come from you. You
have to be ready to quit. If you're not, it doesn't matter what people
say. You can try to bribe them, make them promise . . . anything, but
it doesn't work. They have to get to a point where they get a big
scare and almost die or, as in Barry's case you get so sick you can't
stand it any more.

You have sleepless nights, of course, but at night I had to empty my
mind and sleep because I had a job to do and I had David, my husband,
and our daughter. I had to be there for them.

You have to put yourself in a certain frame of mind and say to
yourself 'even if I stay up worrying all bloody night it isn't going
to change anything.'

I realized that I could get a call at any time telling me Barry was
dead and I braced myself for the news. He was now about 27, but I
still loved him and worried about him, of course . a parent is always
a parent, no matter how old the kids are.

We are very proud of him now. We have always been supportive of him
and we will continue to be. You have to take people for what they are
and applaud when they get over a hurdle. For the time being the worst
is over.

It had to end one way or the other - badly or well. But I never gave
up hope.

The Barry we have now is the little boy I remember. I thank God we
were all given a second chance.