BLUNT TRUTH OVERRIDES UNRECOGNIZED SATIRE

Post-Modern Hangover

Supposedly, I'm a racist and a paranoid cynic. At least that is what
some people who have read some of my columns have said.

I like that kind of response, mainly because it just highlights their
ignorance and absolute lack of a sense of humor. Whenever I write a
satirical article, I try my damnedest to put something in it that
showcases the satirical nature of the article. Oh, things like saying
Sarah Palin has extensive arctic warfare and polar bear fighting
skills to endorse her for vice president, or using ideas straight
from "1984" in dealing with terrorists are some of the tools I've
used to hold up a mirror to our culture. Some people get it, and some do not.

Also, I have never really told in an article where I stand on many
issues, so I can understand that it would be hard for some of our
readers to discern whether or not I am serious. In order that people
may more easily understand. I'm going to write about what I think
that we should do as a country to make ourselves better.

So, here we go and let the hate mail begin - I welcome all comers.
Also, feel free to regurgitate these ideas at any gathering you see
fit. I'd rather have these ideas out there and being talked about
even if unaccredited, because that's the kind of communist son of a bitch I am.

First, I'm pretty much pro everything - pro-gun, pro-choice,
pro-legalization. I think it's our right to be fairly well armed to
the teeth; maybe to protect us from the government or maybe to
surprise the hell out of my friendly neighborhood burglar when he is
shot with a large caliber handgun while attempting to break into my home.

I think a woman's right to choose is a moot issue being as I think
the government should never have any say as to what a person does
with his or her body. If the government can say a woman cannot abort
a child, who's to say one day the government might wield the power to
end someone's life if they're, oh say, on life support. So,
pro-lifers out there, think about that one a second.

Pro legalization. Mmmmkay. Well, drug use is an individual's choice.
Countries like Portugal, which has legalized everything, experiences
much lower incidences of drug dependency and crime. Any moron with an
economics book can see that as long as there is a demand for drugs
that someone will provide the supply. The more you enforce drug laws;
the more risk is involved in supplying, but also the greater the pay
off. Mortgage backed securities anyone?

Even if you cannot get behind heroin being legal, (even though
synthesized pharmaceutical versions of opiates are more desirable to
addicts) then at least marijuana should be considered for no other
reason than to secure our southern border. Marijuana trafficking from
Mexico is so lucrative. Literally grow a weed for next to nothing,
drive it north and sell a pound of the stuff for about $2,000 - $3,000.

Also, since drug trafficking has been under a squeeze in the
Caribbean, the land route through Mexico has become the main pipeline
for cocaine. If both drugs were legal, they could be brought through
legitimate ports and taxed and be even cheaper than current black
market prices for consumers. Drugs are expensive because of the
prohibitive risk involved in supplying them. The border is dangerous
because drug traffickers don't want to get caught and face penalties.
If they could drive through a border check station, get a friendly
wave from a portly border patrol agent and be on their nefarious way,
they would.

Second, I think there should be a period of 18-month mandatory
federal service for all males at age 18. Re-institute a draft system
and draw from the pools of those registered with the selective
service system. It would not just be military service, though.
Service in the forest service, a re-vamped Civilian Conservation
Corps, a new Works Progress Administration and many other agencies in
the government would all be avenues to not only allow high school
graduates a chance to learn a skill, but earn money toward retirement
and have college paid for. The benefits would be greater for those
that join the military, but serving in any capacity would guarantee
tuition for an individual to obtain a bachelor's degree.

The service obligation would include a little basic training period
and job training in a skill that would be chosen by the participant.
There's nothing wrong with having to get up early, make your bed and
do a little exercise when you're 18 years old - all the while earning
money. Also, it would be mandatory, as it was in the CCC, for most of
participants' paychecks to be saved and sent home.

Let's talk about energy. There's no magic bullet to solve our energy
problem. What's good for the Midwest may not work in the South; so
let's take a multi-faceted approach to solving our energy problem.
Nuclear, solar, geothermal, wind and anything under the sun that can
make power and not burn coal or fossil fuels should be considered.
We're sitting on a gold mine in Mississippi and don't even realize
it. Our massive timber industry could provide tons upon tons of
cheap, easily attained and renewable fuel to fire boilers at power plants.

That's how power plants work, they burn something flammable to heat
boilers that make steam and the steam, in turn, spins a turbine that
produces electricity. A turbine doesn't care what kind of fuel was
burned to create the steam. Well, maybe a Republican turbine, but the
point is we could even run them off cow poo.

Afraid of nuclear waste? Simple, let's launch it into space towards
the sun. That huge ball of randomness wouldn't be affected the least
if a few extra nuclear particles got released into it. Also, with the
economies of scale regular launches of spent fuel would decrease the
cost of heavy-lift space vehicles, therefore making space exploration
a much easier, and cheaper, endeavor.

Lastly, we have this misconception in our government that throwing
money at things makes them better. We so often use a reactive
approach to solving problems and very rarely take a proactive
approach. There's one thing that we can do that alleviates crime
problems, teenage pregnancy, poverty, literacy, substance abuse
problems, etc., etc. - education.

If we can get away from B.S. testing and protocols and actually focus
on education and make that not only part of the nation's agenda, but
also the individuals then we will begin to see some awesome change.
That would entail most people pulling their heads out of their ass,
so one can only pray.

May the deity of your choice (or not) bless you. Keep sharp, comrades.