DEALING WITH ADDICTION

PLAD offers help to parents struggling with children's drug
addiction

Louise and Robert have been in a place most parents never hope to find
themselves. Their son was addicted to drugs.

Through the addiction services branch of the health services, they
found themselves attending a support group called PLAD, an acronym for
Parents Learning About Drugs.

This program has been going on for over five years. The addiction
counsellors usually meet with the child who is addicted and, perhaps
briefly with the family, but they recognized that more support was
needed and so got some volunteers together and launched PLAD.

"Although our son is drug and alcohol free for the last three years,
but we felt that we wanted to give back what we had learned and what
help we had gotten," says Louise. "There is a lot of stigma with drug
abuse and it is just easier to talk to people who have been there and
done that.

"The name basically says it all," she says. "You learn about drugs and
you get a lot of support. It is really about trying to help support
parents who have a teenager or young adult who is involved in drugs or
is addicted to drugs."

After attending the group themselves, and after their own son had
found his way into recovery, Robert and Louise took over as the
facilitators, along with another mother, Joan.

The formula is straightforward. There are 10 sessions from September
to December and then another 10 in the spring. Every week there is a
different topic covered in the first hour.

A representative of the RCMP may come in to talk about the legal side,
a psychologist specializing in adolescent issues may address
addiction, or maybe someone from the rehabilitation centre outside of
Sussex known as Portage may speak to the parents about programs there.
You hear from drug counsellors and law officials and get as much info
as possible.

The second hour is more of a support group.

"When they first come, most parents are pretty messed up," says
Robert. "They are pretty much at their wits end, totally lost, and
things are in an uproar in their household."

PLAD creates a safe place where parents support one another, where you
are free to vent your frustrations and tell your worst stories.

The night is completely anonymous; Robert, Louise and Joan have no
idea the names of the parents, or of the kids who are addicted, who
they never meet.

"As facilitators, we make sure the meeting flows. We do presentations
on communication, and different sorts of things like that, and we know
what they are going through because we have been there ourselves,"
says Louise.

"It is hard sometimes," says Robert, "You find that you are reliving
some of your own stuff"

"We don't give direct advice, but we will stick in the odd thing that
we know has worked, or that others have tried... and there are aspects
where helping yourself means that you are helping your child."

Attendance varies from five to 15 parents. There are probably about
seven at the average meeting. But the nature of the program is that
you can come and go as you feel you need it. It is all about being
ready to face the issues, and getting the help you need as a parent to
get healthy yourself.

"I have found that the hardest thing for parents to deal with is
trust," says Robert, "It has all disappeared. You end up in a place
where you go to sleep with your wallet under your pillow and lock away
the car keys. Recovering from that, being able to trust again, takes a
long, long time."

Of course, by the time you get to that point, the addiction has been
happening for a while. It is probable that a lot of parents do not
really confront the issue for about two years.

"Every child tells their parent that the only thing they do is smoke
pot," says Louise. "But there is often a lot more going on. Our group
will help you to recognize the signs and the paraphernalia, as well as
to be able to see the different degrees of use, or abuse."

Louise and Robert have been able to get a sort of bird's eye view of
the local drug scene. The scary thing is that some of the parents
attending this year are there because of their 13-year-olds.

"The age seems to drop about half a year every year I am involved,"
says Robert.

And that is the real problem. Addiction is totally amplified by the
younger that someone starts. "If you start at 12, it might only take
15 days to become an addict because the brain is going through huge
chemical changes already," counsels Robert.

"There are certainly a lot of drugs out there, marijuana is not always
pure marijuana. Crystal meth is fairly big right now. And even if they
are just using marijuana, THC, the main ingredient in marijuana, is
now 30 per cent stronger than it was back in the '70s," says Louise,
"So what happens is that it gets you hooked in a very addictive way."

For most parents, having a child who is an addict causes a lot of
guilt. PLAD is about taking control of your life again by following
the rule of the 3C's: You did not cause the problem, you cannot
control the problem, and you cannot cure the problem.

"I know when my son was involved, this motto allowed me to let go of a
lot of guilt," says Louise. "I learned that all I can do is support
him and cope with it, guide him and let him know I am always there to
help him whenever he is ready."

And PLAD works. There are kids who have gone to the rehabilitation
centre in Portage, and some who have stopped using on their own. PLAD
is there to tell people that there is hope; even if it is a long hard
journey, there is a destination.

"PLAD is really about trying to give parents the ability to get a
grip, to be able to give some sort of guidance and allow them to take
control of their lives once more," concludes Robert.

"There is no judgement, only people working together and discovering
that the stories are so similar and that you don't have to go through
it alone."