NOSTALGIA AND REALITY COLLIDE IN MEXICO

Bobby Salcedo's Killing Shattered the Romantic Image Many Mexican
Americans Shared About Their Homeland.

Bobby Salcedo grew up in El Monte, his immigrant parents staking the
family's future in the working-class suburb that felt worlds away
from the Mexican farming towns of their roots.

But like so many Mexican Americans, some of Salcedo's fondest
memories were from the winter and summer vacations when his family
would pack into the van and drive 1,300 miles south to the lands of
their ancestors in Jalisco.

The pace of life slowed there, with children hanging out in town
plazas late into the night and young men handing flowers to pretty
girls as they strolled in opposing circles. For many young Mexican
Americans, that small-town life seemed a panacea compared to the
urban stresses of Los Angeles, and to being cooped up at home,
playing video games and watching TV.

The connection to Mexico stayed with Salcedo through the years as he
became an assistant principal and El Monte school board member. He
continued to visit family in Mexico, and did charity work for South
El Monte's sister city, Gomez Palacio in Durango state. He met his
future wife there.

The 33-year-old Salcedo and his wife returned to her hometown this
Christmas to visit family and friends. A few days later, they were at
a bar when masked gunmen, suspected members of a drug cartel, burst
in and kidnapped Salcedo and five other men. They were shot to death
execution-style and dumped near a canal.

The case made headlines as an example of Mexico's out-of-control drug
war and prompted mourning in El Monte, where Salcedo was a popular
educator and a rising community leader.

But for many Mexican Americans who are deeply rooted to the land of
their parents, the killing also underscored the complex relationship
they have with Mexico and provoked feelings of anger, disappointment
and betrayal.

"Mexico is going through very fast change, so you kind of have in
mind all these different images and ideas," said Francisco
Balderrama, a professor of history and Chicano studies at Cal State
L.A. "A lot of them have passed on into a type of nostalgia."

Balderrama said his youthful memories of Mexico are different from his son's.

Like his son, the professor studied in Mexico as a young man. But his
son also volunteered for the Peace Corps in the state of Queretaro.
His son experienced the difficulties of getting things done in
Mexico, a frustration Balderrama never had to experience. His son
also has a more updated perspective on some of the country's dangers.

When Balderrama proposed that his son take a bus to meet him in
another state of Mexico, his son said that could be unsafe.

The Salcedo case is a reminder of the new realities, the latest bang
in a steady drumbeat of violence that has steadily chipped away at
romantic notions that many Mexican Americans had.

"We see what we want to see down there," said Salcedo's brother Juan,
35. "We're not down there, living the daily life of the average
Mexican. We're living an American life in a Third World country. Our
dollar goes further. We're able to enjoy things that many people
there are not able to enjoy."

Childlike Nostalgia

Juan Salcedo said he remembers getting into the gray station wagon,
later upgraded to a "big ole" white van, at least once a year. They
would bring various things people had requested: paper towels, bags
of sugar or flour. Their mother Graciela's town was Tototlan, their
father's Atotonilco, both near Guadalajara. They would hop around,
visiting family and being fed or taking trips to Lake Chapala or a
little water park.

As the Salcedo children got older, the trips became less frequent but
they never stopped. Two years ago they went to the wedding of their
cousin Eddie Macias, who used to tease Bobby and his siblings about
their Spanish.

Bobby was "very proud of his Mexican origins, but very proud of being
an American," said Macias, 36. "They got to know many other parts of
Mexico, not just from a family point of view, but as part of their culture."

Macias said many Mexicans have negative or stereotypical views of
Mexican Americans, saying they just work in the U.S. but don't amount to much.

"On occasion, unconsciously at times, I'd defend them," Macias said
of his five Salcedo cousins, all of whom graduated from college. "I'm
very proud of my family in the U.S. I would say, 'On the contrary, I
have family in California, and they contribute to their community.
They are examples of how to live for the rest of us. Here and there.'"

American Dream

Bobby Salcedo became a teacher in South El Monte and president of the
town's sister-city program, which includes Gomez Palacio. He met
Betzy Lazos there and married her two years ago.

He helped raise money for orphanages and firefighters and other
causes in Gomez Palacio. The violence in Mexico always seemed distant
to the Salcedo family.

"I was a nonbeliever," Juan said.

And yet there he was, walking into the back of a "dingy" room in the
Gomez Palacio morgue. He said he felt as if the authorities were
hiding his brother's body in fear of the cartels. They wanted to
quickly cremate the body, he said.

Juan Salcedo had traveled to the city of 240,000 with his mother, who
wanted to see her son. But after seeing his brother, Juan said he
would let her come into the room only if Bobby's face was covered.

"That first day, I just let her hold his hand," he said.

Fear of the cartels also made it difficult to find a mortuary willing
to take care of his brother's body, he said.

As the casket arrived in the cargo hold of a Mexicana commercial jet,
about 5,000 people celebrated Salcedo's life at Mountain View High
School in El Monte, where he had been the student body president.

Juan Salcedo said he no longer has a reason to go back to Mexico. He
doesn't think he ever will. He doesn't think his parents will either.

There are 31 states in Mexico, and few have endured the spasms of
violence seen in places like Durango. But Carlos Salcedo shares his
brother's sentiment: "Until the times change, I'll be sad, but I'm
not going to go there."

Still, it's not hard to conjure the memories that made it such a
special place for Bobby, and for himself.

"It's a beautiful land," Carlos Salcedo said. "I still love it. I
can't deny that. I have family there. I can't renounce my family.
It's just an unfortunate situation to the ultimate extent."

A Community Torn

The ripples of Salcedo's death have touched other Mexican American
families as well.

Hector Delgado, a South El Monte councilman whose parents also
emigrated from the Mexican state of Jalisco, said he was aware of the
tales of carnage in Mexico. But it was only after Salcedo was killed
that he felt betrayed. For the first time, his parents' country
loomed as truly foreign.

"I always loved the fact that my parents taught us to value our
roots. I am an American of Mexican descent, and I'm very proud of
that," he said. "But this really left a bitter taste in my mouth.
It's completely changed my view of Mexico, to be honest. I'm actually
ashamed of Mexico right now."

Jorge Andres Herrera, 28, is one of five Mexican American siblings
who graduated from or are studying at UCLA. They formed a norteno
music group called the Hermanos Herrera and have won awards in
Mexico. Herrera said Salcedo's killing left him feeling sad and
disappointed. "He died in Durango, the state of my dad."

Like many Mexican Americans, Herrera began going to Mexico when he
was very young. He said fitting in there wasn't easy. Even dressed as
a norteno or ranchera singer, the moment he spoke, he would reveal
himself as being from north of the border.

"Everything changes when I'm singing. I consider my singing 100%
Mexican Spanish," he said. "I don't feel they really see me as
different when I'm singing."

But as the violence continued to escalate in Mexico, the band made
careful decisions about where they would play and which places they
would avoid. They decided that many of the northern states, the ones
that gave birth to the genre of music the group specializes in, were
simply too dangerous.

"I understand why people say they're not going to ever go back," he
said. "But I don't agree with people saying they give up on Mexico.
You should care about the place of your parents, and try to better
that place. There's not just bad things going on in Mexico. I won't
give up on it."