GOVERNMENT-SPONSORED CRACK HOUSE BREAKS NEW GROUND

Fledgling Research Team Recommends Out-of-the-box Harm Reduction Initiatives

As reported last week in the Courier, pending approval from Health
Canada, the PHS Community Services Society, which operates the Insite
supervised injection site and several social housing projects, will
open a crack cocaine inhalation facility in the Downtown Eastside.

The PHS cites a study compiled by the B.C. Centre for Excellence in
HIV/AIDS, the organization also responsible for Insite's existence.

Study researchers tracked 1,048 crack smokers over a nine-year period
and found that 137 contracted HIV, possibly through wounds and sores
around the mouth. "These wounds may make people who smoke crack more
vulnerable to HIV transmission," says the study, "during activities
such as oral sex or sharing of crack pipes."

I know what you're thinking.

In addition to crack cocaine, crack addicts use intravenous drugs
(heroin, for example) and often participate in prostitution--two high
risk activities rife with HIV and AIDS.

And the aforementioned B.C. Centre, led by Dr. Julio Montaner and
researcher Thomas Kerr, has long lobbied for a crack smoking room and
their research methods may reflect that desire.

But that doesn't mean a government-sponsored crack house is a bad
idea. In fact, in conjunction with my own crack research team, the
V.C. Centre for Excellent Ideas, I've compiled a list of two other
like-minded harm reduction initiatives for the Downtown Eastside.

SOLVENT INHALATION ROOM

According to Health Canada, there is no safe way to inhale chemicals.

Oh really? That sounds like a challenge.

Sniffing, as it's known on the street, is a cheap way to numb the
misery associated with chronic poverty and despair. The practice is
popular among destitute addicts, including many young aboriginals who
have lost all hope.

But sniffing is risky business. A bad trip can be fatal. Blackouts,
temporary blindness and heart attacks are common, and death from
vomit inhalation is always a concern.

So the solvent inhalation room, known as NoSight, must be carefully
managed. NoSight will offer popular over-the-counter hydrocarbons
such as glue, petrol, dry cleaning fluid, nail polish, spray paint
and other aerosols.

Fresh paper bags, which help trap those intoxicating fumes, will be
distributed to NoSight users and sanitary wipes will eliminate those
tell-tale stains around the mouth and nose. A nurse will monitor user
disorientation, hallucination, cramping and jerky movement.

Of course, literature detailing the long-term effects of sniffing
(brain damage, kidney failure, liver failure, death) will be
available to all users. And every three months, consulting physicians
will compile data for peer review and question the humanity of
NoSight opponents.

RICE WINE TENT

In 1999, due to police pressure, the provincial government barred
grocery and liquor stores from selling rice wine--a cheap alcoholic
beverage favoured by homeless and low-income residents of the
Downtown Eastside.

According to research conducted by the V.C. Centre for Excellent
Ideas, this prohibition has caused more harm than good.

While alcohol-related deaths have waned, rum and vodka use is on the rise.

To counteract this disturbing trend, we propose a rice wine
tent--similar to beer tents at rock concerts and sporting
events--based on the wildly popular methadone maintenance program.

One large yellow tent will be erected on the southwest corner of Main
and Hastings. Tent patrons will receive two free shots of rice wine
every two hours. University students looking to pad their post-grad
resumes with volunteer work will strictly regulate consumption. No
chug-a-lugging, shot gunning or cup sharing. All drinking games,
including Chase the Ace and Fuzzy Duck, will be strictly prohibited.
And like the methadone program, tent patrons won't be burdened by
mandatory treatment or counselling.

T-shirts and button sales will help fund the project. Possible
merchandise slogans include "I got wrecked on government wine" and
"Rice is nice."

IN CONCLUSION

These two initiatives, in addition to Insite and the crack smoking
room, will cement the Downtown Eastside's status as Canada's most
unbelievable neighbourhood.

Thanks to pioneers like Kerr and Montaner, who devise ground-breaking
policy based on tangential evidence in their laboratory at UBC,
neighbourhood residents can expect more astonishing ideas aimed at
their health and well-being. And while the ideas may mystify, folks
shouldn't ask too many questions.

When will the experiments end? Don't hold your breath.

No, wait, on second thought. Hold your breath. You'll absorb the
smoke better. And that's what they want, believe it or not.