POTHEADS SEND LOGIC UP IN SMOKE

I am not about to accuse anyone I know of being a pothead, but let's
say the species is not altogether unknown to me.

After all, potheads are not that difficult to recognize. Like the
Oakland Raiders, they get blitzed almost every weekend.

They're about the only people I know who can sit through an entire
showing of "Dude, Where's My Car?" or "Harold and Kumar Go to White
Castle." They think of Cheech and Chong as classic actors, and their
music libraries lean heavily toward The Grateful Dead and Bob Marley.
Their land of enchantment isn't New Mexico, it's Jamaica.

Their antics are the stuff of urban legends, as demonstrated the other
day by 29-year-old Cesar Lopez of Lebanon, Pa. According to The
Associated Press, he was in a convenience store -- stocking up on
late-night munchies, no doubt -- when he removed his baseball cap and
peered inside it, obviously perplexed.

Plastered to his forehead, police say, was a small plastic baggie
containing marijuana.

An officer who also happened to be in the store peeled the bag off
Lopez's forehead and placed him under arrest on charges of drug possession.

(Note to stoners: The hatband of your baseball cap may not be such a
great place to keep your stash.)

The AP also reported on an upstate New York man who was charged with
evidence tampering, plus the expected drug charges, after he was
busted for growing marijuana -- and then tried to eat the evidence.

Deputies said they arrested Jeremy Wheeler, 29. and his father,
William, 51, after finding 116 marijuana plants growing in the son's
home in Willet.

The son, they say, did his best to make things tough for the
prosecutor, snatching up some of the plants while being booked and
digging in like a hungry vegetarian at a salad bar.

I'm betting those fellows would appreciate these jokes:

. The difference between a drunk and a stoner behind the wheel, they
say, is that the drunk will drive through the stop sign. The pothead
waits for it to turn green.

. A pothead calls the fire department. "Come quick!" he shouts into
the phone. "My house is on fire!"

"How do we get there?" the dispatcher ask.

"Duh! Use the big red truck!"

. Did you hear about the pothead who locked his keys in the car? It
took him two hours to get out.

. A stoner walks into an appliance store and asks the owner, "How much
for that TV in the window?"

"Get lost," says the owner. "I don't sell to potheads."

The would-be customer vows to quit the habit and return the next week
to buy the TV.

Sure enough, he shows up a week later. "I quit smoking pot," he says.
"Now, how much for that TV in the window?"

"Scram," says the owner. "I don't sell to potheads."

The scene repeats week after week, and finally the guy asks the owner,
"How can you tell I'm a pothead?"

The reply: "Because that's a microwave."