PARENTS SHOULD SET SPECIFIC BOUNDARIES

Parenting is a difficult job, probably the toughest - you never get a break!

As parents we often consider the potential problems that might harm
our children. These what if's are a source of great stress. In this
article I will briefly describe some common what if's and provide
some sage (hopefully) advice for each concern.

. Drug/alcohol experimentation - what if I do nothing. Kids need boundaries.

They want to know what you think, they need your advice. More
importantly, your silence is permission. When kids don't talk to
their parents about drugs they get their 'facts' from other teenagers.

Please talk to your kids about drugs and set very specific
boundaries. Further, prepare firm but fair consequences for when your
child does not follow rules.

. What if I find drugs or drug paraphernalia? If you find drugs or
drug paraphernalia you must talk to your child. This will be a
difficult conversation because your child will try to deflect the
conversation by arguing that his/her privacy was violated. They may
threaten to run away or they become upset or angry. Threats,
posturing, arguing are to be expected.

We need to intervene in our child's life. Again, they need clear
boundaries and if they have a drug problem they will need your help!
Conversely, what if we don't intervene and a drug problem becomes an
addiction - then we, as parents, are partially responsible.

. What if I don't talk to other parents about their child's drug or
alcohol problem? A simple rule that I have always used is if it was
my child would I want to know? The answer is always yes. We need the
courage to talk to other parents - even if there is potential for an
argument or bad feelings.

Protection of the child is always paramount.

. What if we don't seek help for our young adult? Some families are
worried about embarrassment, shame or blame. However, asking for help
is not a sign of weakness; in fact, it is a sign of strength and
courage and every parent's obligation. We live in a community where
outstanding help is available.

Please, talk to your doctor.

. Kids are going to drink anyway. What if I provide a safe place for
them to drink? As a responsible parent we can never let this happen.

When we have other children in our home we are legally and morally
responsible for them. The recent unfortunate case in Maple Ridge
should be a wakeup call for all parents. When a 16 year-old-girl
perished at the party the homeowner was charged with failing to
provide the necessities of life.

Don't let kids drink at your home.

Research clearly shows that positive parenting has a good outcome for
teens - lower rates of depression, less likely to engage in risky
behavior, better school performance, more respectful conduct and
better ability to deal with conflict. Parenting teenagers is a tough
job, but our kids deserve our best effort.

Doug Rogers is a substance abuse prevention counsellor for the Vernon
School District.