UP NEXT, HE'LL WALK ON WATER

Press Has Gushed Over Saint Ricky But What Lesson Does This Teach

That Ricky Williams sure is neat, isn't he?

Listening to the Toronto Argonauts brain trust sloppily suck up to
their new running back would be hilarious if it wasn't so pathetic.
And when you throw in so many members of the Toronto media who are
fawning over the repeatedly suspended yogi like correspondents for
Teen Beat magazine reporting on the Back Street Boys, you almost
start wondering where their reporting ends and where their man-crush begins.

Ricky's so fast, they coo. Ricky's such a swell guy, they gush. When
Ricky takes off, he runs as with the very wings of Mercury on his
feet, they giggle. And did you hear he does yoga? Isn't that just
neat. He's sooooo cool.

Anybody got a barf bag?

This whole exercise is an amazing demonstration of what a little
injection of situational ethics will do. Because you may recall that
many of the same media folks and sports fans who are now worshipping
at the great man's feet were ripping the hide off Barry Bonds just a
day or two before. And shaking their heads at the San Francisco fans
for loving him despite his obvious misdeeds.

Problem is, as unsavory and tainted as Bonds' accomplishments are in
the opinion of most, he never actually broke the rules of baseball.
He may have used some substance or substances that were illegal in
society. He may have lied under oath to a grand jury. His attitude
may have you wanting to see him take a hard line drive in the gonads.

But since the game had no rules banning steroids until this year, he
could've been injecting himself with pure ethanol throughout his
career and he still technically would've been playing within the rules.

Williams on the other hand wasn't. He knew the NFL had rules against
taking drugs. He knew marijuana was on that banned list. Yet he used
often enough to get busted three times. And then he used something
as-yet-unnamed to earn a fourth suspension.

Unlike Bonds, he did break the clearly defined rules of his game.

So why are so few really taking the preachy Argos to task for turning
ethics into moving targets? This is a team, after all, that says it
wants kids not to do drugs, then grabs the sport's most notorious
drug user the second he comes available. And this is a team that says
it wants kids not to make bad decisions, then shows that there are no
real consequences in doing so.

The answer lies in the fact that many of those commenting on this are
busy injecting some situational ethics of their own. It's just pot,
they say. Everyone smokes it. Relax.

Well, believe it or not, not everyone does toke up. Many people still
believe it's harmful. Furthermore, it's illegal in Florida where he
did it. And frankly, their thoughts on dope don't matter anyway. All
that matters is that it was against the rules of the league in which
he was employed and he did it anyway. Players don't get to pick and
choose which rules they follow any more than you or I do in our workplace.

On top of that, the Boatmen -- whose breathless descriptions of
Williams make the pope look like a jerk by comparison -- don't seem
to have a problem inking a guy who's under suspension by another
league, who's already under contract to another team, and who once
walked out on his team right before the season started, devastating
the franchise and hurting every one of his teammates.

At least it's nice to know that when the Arena League signs away a
player who's under contract to the Argos sometime in the future, the
Toronto brass won't mind. And when one of their franchise players
who's suspended in the CFL for some infraction goes and plays
somewhere else risking injury, they won't complain. And when a player
around whom they've built their team bolts, they'll be OK with that.
And when another team blows the heck out of the imaginary salary cap
- -- again -- they won't say a word.

And those members of their glassy-eyed media, who are apparently in
some kind of quest to set the record for most pitiful fawning over an
athlete, won't raise any objection next time an athlete breaks a
clearly defined rule he decides is optional for him.

Now go ahead and say this is just sour grapes coming from Hamilton.
After all, this wouldn't be an issue if he was wearing black and gold
instead of double blue, right? Because we never criticize the home
team, do we? (Come read our e-mails sometime if you believe that.)

No, what it really shows is that some people -- including a few
holdouts in Toronto -- aren't willing to turn a blind eye to
athletes' misbehaviour simply because they're fast or strong or
talented or rich or good-looking or famous.

While everyone deserves a second chance -- or third or fourth or
fifth -- they don't necessarily deserve it immediately. You break the
rules, you should be expected to pay your penalty. Then come back.

You shouldn't spend the duration of your suspension having your ego
stroked by a puerile citizenry and a toadying media.

But get used to it. This week, one writer raved about Williams
mountainous calves, praises his graceful Rockette-like nimbleness and
managed to drop his name in the same sentence with Mother Teresa,
Nelson Mandela and Terry Fox. All after just one workout.

Can't wait to see the writeup after Williams turns water into wine
during halftime.