SONS' DEATHS FROM DRUGS GIVE BIRTH TO GRIEF GROUP

After Double Tragedies, Mother Rallies To Organize 'Pat's Place'

Last summer, Beverly Artemyak took her youngest son, Nicholas
Sciandra, to the cemetery to visit his brother's grave - and to
remind him what drugs can do.

Nicholas, she said, was depressed over his brother's death. Patrick
Sciandra, 22, had died from drug-related cardiac arrest in March
2005. Nicholas thought he might be headed down the same road.

"He told me he was caught up in it, too, and he couldn't get out,"
Artemyak said. "I took him to Mount Olivet Cemetery to see his
brother's grave. He dropped on his knees and just sobbed."

Nicholas continued taking drugs. He was in and out of jail, usually
for stealing money to buy heroin. Then Nicholas overdosed last
December, slipping into a coma and dying four weeks later, at age 19.

If losing a child is an unspeakable tragedy, Artemyak has been struck
twice. Two of her three sons are gone, both to drugs.

Now the Buffalo woman wants to turn her double loss into something positive.

She wants to turn it into "Pat's Place."

Pat's Place will be a forum for parents who have lost a child to an
addiction, a place where parents can talk about what they've lost -
with others who have suffered the same fate.

A place where grieving parents can try to overcome the stigma tied to
their loss.

"This is such an ugly topic," she said. "You feel like it's your own
fault. There's guilt. You're a parent; of course, you're going to
feel guilt. But the bottom line is, they had choices. I know in my
mind I couldn't stop them, because I did try."

Artemyak wants to turn her family's grief into something that will
help others and provide a fitting memorial for Patrick and Nicholas.

Pat's Place will meet at 6:30 p.m. on the first Wednesday of each
month, starting this Wednesday, in Buffalo Covenant Church, 786 Kenmore Ave.

More information is available at www.buffalocovenant.net
(http://www.buffalocovenant.net).

Following the loss of Patrick, Artemyak went to a bereavement group
for parents who have had a child die. But she had a tough time
relating to other parents, whose children had died from illness or accidents.

She was told there was no group just for parents who had lost
children to addiction.

"That's when I started to visualize Pat's Place, never thinking that
I was going to lose Nicholas, too," she said. "There have to be many
other parents out there, hiding in corners, who need to talk about
this. I can't be the only one."

Artemyak is a spiritual woman, a woman of deep faith. How else can
she explain the twists and turns of her life?

She didn't think she would be able to have children, until she had a
kidney transplant 271/2 years ago.

"It doesn't make sense that the kidney transplant allowed me to have
three children, and now I've lost two of them to drugs," she said.
"It was painful enough to lose one child, but then to lose two in
less than a year, it's like a nightmare that never seems to end."

Artemyak leaves no doubt where she stands on the current debate about
possibly legalizing some drugs, a topic that County Executive Joel A.
Giambra and others have raised.

"I can't imagine legalizing drugs," she said. "I cringe when I hear
things like that. I guess they haven't lost children. I guess their
views would be different if they had lost children."

Patrick's drug problem surfaced in 2003, when he became addicted to
painkillers.

"Mom, I can't stop taking them," he told her one day. "When I stop
taking them, the physical pain is too bad."

He later graduated to heroin and was in and out of rehab programs,
including methadone treatment. One Saturday night in March 2005, his
mother said, he went to bed and never woke up. She later learned he
died from cardiac arrest, apparently triggered by his drug addiction
and the methadone.

He hated the drug world that ensnared him, absolutely hated it, she
said. But the drug consumed him.

Nicholas died a slower, more painful death, going into a depression
over his brother's death and never seeking help.

"Nick wanted the help, but he wasn't willing to go into rehab," she
recalled. "He said, "Mom, the drug is stronger than me.' "

Last Dec. 18, his girlfriend called to tell her Nicholas had
overdosed and was in Erie County Medical Center.

"They took me into the room," she said. "He was laying on a table in
the ER, with a ventilator and tubes all over the place. I tried to
talk to him. A tear fell from the corner of his eye, and I said,
"Nick, I'm here.' "

He lived four more weeks. On Jan. 13, Artemyak saw how uncomfortable
his body seemed.

"I whispered in his ear that I was going to let him go," she said.
"As soon as I said that, his body relaxed."

He was taken off life support and died two days later.

Five months later, Artemyak wants to turn Pat's Place into a sacred
spot, where parents come together to grieve. She wants to learn about
other parents' children; she wants them to learn about hers.

Artemyak says her two late sons are pushing her to do this.

"I feel them talking softly in my heart and in my mind," she said.

"I cry every day, and I hear them saying, "Mom, go for it.' "