THIS SCIATICA IS GIVING ME THE MUNCHIES

A lot of states have already approved the use of medical marijuana.
Like, six of them, I think. Six out of 54 or something like that. It
used to be that if they found three seeds in your glove compartment
you were looking at life in prison. Now it's like ibuprofen in an
easy-open sack. I use it for my sciatica. It's working on the
sciatica, but now I think I'm getting bong elbow. Maybe I should be
taking a larger dose. That's the hard part, getting the dosage right.
I can never remember how much I smoked yesterday. Still, instead of
waking up every night with a sharp, raw nerve pain, I wake up with
the munchies. Usually, Sue has made some of her famous special
brownies so there's always something to snack on, but a lot of the
time, they just make me hungrier. I wonder if medical marijuana can
lower my cholesterol, too? I'll volunteer for that study.

We were all sitting around Wii bowling last night and since all of us
were using medical marijuana that we got from our doctor down on the
corner of 12th and Bridge Street, none of us were feeling any pain.
Bobby said maybe we should get a second opinion from the doctor on
the corner of 13th and Bridge or 10th and Bridge. There used to be a
doctor on the corner of 11th and Bridge, but the kids at the high
school set up their own "clinic" and priced him out of business.
That's the funny thing about doctors, they always look so young.

Anyway, while we were bowling we got this great idea that instead of
selling cookies, the Girl Scouts should go door to door selling
medical marijuana. It's a cinch and they'd make a lot more money. And
in about two hours, they could return and sell all of their cookies
at ridiculous prices. People would buy them by the carton. That's the
great side effect of medical marijuana. It focuses your thinking.

It seemed like a good idea last night, but now that I'm typing it up
in the light of noon, it sounds a little twisted. I have friends that
think medical marijuana is a big scam, that people who aren't really
sick will use it just to get high. I tell them that's crazy talk,
that's what Prozac is for.

I've heard that 16 percent of the country is taking some kind of
antidepressant. That's, like, 46 million people. A million people in
each of our 46 states. That's a lot of people on mind-bending drugs,
perfectly legal mind-bending drugs that do pretty much the same thing
as medical marijuana. Of course, everyone knows that the trouble with
marijuana is that the money goes to the drug kingpins who waste it on
fancy villas and fast cars, whereas the Prozac money and the Zoloft
money goes to health care CEOs who invest it in fancy villas and fast cars.

Wow! I just had a flash. I wonder if all those guys they arrested in
the '60s after they found three seeds in their glove compartments are
still in jail? How old are they now, 70? I wonder if doctors are
prescribing medical marijuana to them for their arthritis pain?