HEMP AND HUMP: TWO WAYS TO SURVIVE THE ECONOMY

Tuesday was not a good day for me. I went home and turned to some of
my favorite indulgences: chocolate, my couch and "Grey's Anatomy."

The same can be said about our society during the economic slump. As
we moan and groan about the hard times, we try to pinch our pennies by
cutting out the NBA cable package and the third Starbucks purchase of
the day. But there are always some things we lean on to get by:
getting lit and laid.

I read an article analyzing why the matchmaking and medicinal
marijuana industries seem to be thriving despite the declining economy.

Under the Obama administration, requests for the use of cannabis have
increased by 300 percent. Obama has publically addressed his support
of controlled marijuana use for medicinal purposes, declaring it
appropriate if it is the best option for pain relief. Agreed.

One reason for the spike is because marijuana is a cheap alternative.
Like many of us who are trying to survive without health insurance and
expensive prescriptions, going green takes on a whole new meaning.
According to the Congressional Budget Office, 45 million Americans
under 65 years old have no health insurance, making cannabis a
feasible option.

Cannabis clinics, co-ops and dispensaries are growing in number
because owners no longer fear federal rule. The Drug Enforcement
Administration is now allowing states to enforce their own laws on the
use of cannabis.

But all does not come up smelling like bud.

Because I associate with drug dealers, I've learned that along with
the increase of cannabis comes an increase in the street value of marijuana.

Well, Snoop Dogg and Marvin Gaye should have come together for an
economic crisis collaboration, because along with an increase in the
marijuana market, there has been a 20 to 50 percent spike in the
matchmaking industry.

This led me to wonder about Sugardaddie.com, the Web service that
posts profiles of needy women looking specifically to be matched with
rich husbands, boyfriends or casual hook-ups. Forget eHarmony.com or
Match.com, any smart gold-digging woman would turn to this particular
site to ease her economic woes.

Americans are aching for some more amore as much as automakers are
begging for a bailout. When the going gets tough, the tough get going
- - under the sheets. I guess as the value of our hard-earned dollar
decreases, the need for a shoulder to cry on increases.

I know I could use someone to cuddle up with at night to keep warm,
because I can't afford the utilities bill - especially if the heater
is running every night. Why not invest in something like a companion
to get you through the tough times? Just think of your recession
relationship like a space heater.

I find it a likely pairing, getting lit and laid. Both offer a release
from your present, stressful situation. And make that a long-lasting
release (from what I've heard), because marijuana has been known to
increase duration in the sack.

It's only natural to want to share the good times in our life with
someone else, and even more natural to want someone there as support
during the tough times.

There is a high price to pay for economic crisis comfort. It's nothing
only a Ferrero Rocher and a season of McDreamy can solve. It's going
to take the use of the mighty endorphin to distract our minds from the
state of the global economy.

Chocolate is my only drug of choice that I am willing to pay for
during my times of need. But paying money for a matchmaker to find you
an economic crisis companion seems a little much for me. I feel the
cost of companionship should be free if you do it right.

But who knows? Maybe Sugardaddie.com will help get the most bang for
my buck and match me to my dream drug-dealing millionaire.