KELLOGG'S DUMPS DOLPHIN BOY

Dumb marketing move or dumbest marketing move?

As university students, most of us have taken a hit (or two) off of
our friends' bongs. Michael Phelps is like most of us. But while our
pot escapades lead to fits of giggles and sprawling out on the nearest
futon, Phelps' tomfoolery lead to a twenty-minute lecture from The
View's youngest hag, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who demanded a reprimand as
harsh as she is dense.

Well, ask and you shall receive: the 14-time Olympic medal winner is
barred from competition for the next three months, effective February
5, 2009. Phelps accepted his punishment, and is determined to "earn
back our trust." But that's not enough.

In a statement, Kellogg's representatives wrote, "Michael's most
recent behavior is not consistent with the image of Kellogg's. His
contract expires at the end of February and we have made a decision
not to extend his contract." I wonder, what is the image of Kellogg's?
We all know Tony the Tiger is hopped up on something, and it's not
Frosted Flakes. Should a little marijuana disqualify a world-class
athlete from selling corn flakes?

Really, we should be doubly impressed with Phelps' abilities now that
we know something about his habits. Imagine how fast the guy would be
if he didn't smoke pot! Is that Michael Phelps or an HMS
Dreadnought?

I'm left wondering if Kellogg's missed a golden opportunity to tap
into a market as old as time itself: 4:20 enthusiasts. Think of it
this way: marijuana has the ability to make one stupendously hungry.
The commercial practically writes itself:

What's the first thing Michael Phelps does after taking a 40-minute
(dolphin lung) inhale from his friend's bong? He dives face-first into
an Olympic-sized pool filled with Kellog's Corn Flakes, that's what!
Get yourself a box today!

What a wasted opportunity. Let's hope that the rest of Phelps'
endorsement deals don't end the same way. He has 100 million reasons
not to "shock and offend" them with his stoner conduct.