PHELPS SHOULD MOVE TO BOULDER

You've got to pity Michael Phelps. Sure, he's got more gold medals
than there are days of the week. But he's also got some shitty
friends. The dude went to a party, took a couple of bong hits and had
the misfortune of being photographed by a so-called friend.

The friend sold the photos to a British tabloid, and Phelps found
himself being kicked around in the press by people who feel that he
should live like a saint because he's an Olympic champion.

Since when did winning gold medals mean the public owns
you?

It's time Phelps moved away from those no-good, traitorous friends of
his and came to the People's Republic. Here are 10 reasons he should
move to our city:

10. You stay higher longer at altitude. (OK, so maybe that's an urban
myth.)

9. No one here eats Kellogg's. We prefer classier fare like pizza and
burritos to curb those post-ganja munchies.

8. When he's done smoking mary jane, he can shred Mary
Jane.

7. Boulder cops are directed to make busting pot smokers their lowest
priority - after jaywalking. So, if someone takes a picture of you
holding a bong and shows it to the cops, the cops don't give a damn.

6. The shit here is really good - and we have swimming
pools.

5. Where else in the world can you get organic, shade-grown Fair Trade
Nederland weed?

4. No self-respecting Boulderite would ever think to sell photos of a
friend holding a bong to the tabloids, no matter how famous that friend was.

3. In Boulder, even members of City Council toke.

2. The only thing that makes us angry with Phelps is that he
apologized rather than standing up and saying, "Yeah, I smoke pot. So
the fuck what?"

1. 4/20 needs a celebrity sponsor.