SHERIFF LEON LOTT SHOULD STOP THE POLITICKING

Sheriff Lott is using the Michael Phelps incident for his own shameless
exposure and abusing his position as sheriff for political purposes. There
are bound to be countless editorials on this subject this week but mine
will be different: because when I started writing this, I was as high as a
kite.

As soon as I heard the news that Lott had ordered the arrest of
college-aged kids in connection with the Phelps bong hit, I called a very
successful pot smoking friend and said, "I need to smoke." She was very
confused as I am known as a staunch non-smoker, but Lott had driven me to
the edge.

I immediately grabbed a pizza from the freezer, a few beers and a large
bag of Cheetos and headed her way. The piece I smoked from was more of a
work of art than a pipe. A blown glass USC Gamecock, appropriately, sat
perched on the edge of the bowl area, which is where I packed the
marijuana. I took a deep hit, and for a moment I was almost grateful that
the stresses of the Michael Phelps case drove me to it. I don't remember
much after that -exploding memories in a minefield of tension sporadically
relieved by waves of euphoric nonsense. Just look at this shag carpet,
man. I've never really laid down and studied it like this; it's like a
jungle, a complete ecosystem. God, it's beautiful. That decides it: this
summer I'm gonna sell everything I own and trek through the Amazon and
maybe forage in the trees for a few years. Just a loincloth and a walking
stick, man, cause that's how mankind is supposed to live. Forget your laws
and rules and... You know, I'd never really noticed before, but after
having watched it three times tonight, I can definitively argue that
"Harry and the Hendersons" is one of the high points in American cinema.
Can you pass the Crunch n' Munch?

On Feb 3, The State, reported that Lott would "charge Michael Phelps with
a crime if he determines the Olympics hero smoked marijuana." On Feb 9,
WIS TV reported that eight were arrested directly related to the Phelps
incident.

It is a nightmare scenario for all involved. But, last night was a dream
within a dream. At one point, I dreamt I was a typical Jewish liberal girl
from New York who was dreaming about sharing two bedroom flat with Barack
Obama, yet I was upset by how much he hogged the bathroom. I was torn
because I didn't want to seem critical so early in his administration, but
I really needed to take a wiz. It's funny, though, you don't need to be a
liberal or conservative to know when someone's hogging the bathroom. And,
that's just what Sheriff Lott is doing.

For all the hype our sheriff is giving marijuana, all in all, its effects
were somewhat disappointing; all I wanted was to sleep and the pizza never
made it out of the freezer. This morning I was up at 6:30 a.m. with no
hangover and have actually been extremely productive (unlike nights when I
crack the seal on a bottle of hooch).

Yes, people will say that our sheriff is simply enforcing the law as it is
written. But a sheriff in his daily duties does not simply instruct every
employee to enforce every law on the books; a sheriff chooses how his
resources (deputies, cars, equipment) are utilized to maximize the safety
and well being of the citizens of Richland County. So in this instance,
instead of utilizing his resources to stop violent crime like rape, armed
robbery and murder, the sheriff has diverted resources to get his name
mentioned in state and national media outlets.

If you are so hung up about the sheriff and his merciless drive to enforce
the law consider this: Under Title 63, Chapter 19 Section 2430 of the
South Carolina legal code it is "unlawful for a minor under the age of
eighteen to play a pinball machine." If you are part of the "it's the law,
the law must be enforced" camp, this constitutes a dereliction of duty by
the sheriff. Silly you say? Any more silly than wasting tens of thousands
of dollars arresting multiple people for inhaling smoke at a private party
which has the effect of making people less likely to commit violent crime
(unlike booze)?

The point isn't how incredibly stoned I was or how dank the buds were that
I burned into my lungs. At the end of the day, when the collective media
exhales, this will likely be viewed as a ridiculous personal story that
should have never been given much attention in the first place. Lott will
look like the power hungry, attention seeking and irresponsible politician
that he is. If it wasn't for his selfish mentality, we wouldn't have over
crowded prisons with non-violent offenders and we could focus on things
like educating our children. Lott is more of the problem than the eight
men arrested. Assuming most of them are pursuing a higher education, his
interruption of their education for a weak attempt at personal gain is
appalling.

It's enough to lead a man to the pipe.

Send your personal "tobacco pipe" pics or photo shop a celebrity smoking
reefer and send to attention Sheriff Leon Lott at sheriff@rcsd.net