LOOK, MOM IS USING A BONG

Forget Michael Phelps -- You Have More Influence on Your Children
Than Celebrities

"Did you guys see the photo of Michael Phelps smoking a bong?" I
asked. "Who?" said Ari, 14.

"So?" said Christopher, 17.

I have this crazy theory that the antics, good and bad, of
celebrities propped up as heroes and antichrists are pretty much
neither. The kerfuffle and fallout from yet another cellphone photo
of a champion athlete doing something not so championlike away from
the Olympic rings and media glare is a nonstarter.

Granted, my kids are a little older now, but about the only thing
that would have grabbed their attention is a photo of me taking a hit
off a bong. That would have got the conversation going.

Think about how often children ask what you did as a teenager,
whether you've been drunk or smoked pot or done other drugs.

That's where their interest lies, not in the 24-hour clip-a-minute
news cycle that must be fed like an angry dragon, quantity over
quality, meaningless tripe that is more ignored than ingested.

Their first, best role model is right in front of them, day in and
day out. And we think some athlete or actor has the power to mould our kids?

Phelps is sponsored by, among others, Omega, Speedo, Kellogg, Subway,
Visa and PureSport. Oh, and Hilton Hotels, but they surely had to
give him a pass, given that a certain Hilton has defined bad
behaviour for the current generation.

I had to look those companies up because other than Speedo, I would
have been guessing. If I saw a guy wearing a Speedo who wasn't
sponsored by them, I would probably run screaming from the pool area
with my eyes on fire.

They are all free, of course, to give him vast amounts of money.
Personally, I have a lot more respect for companies that sponsor
things such as events or recreational leagues -- things that benefit
thousands of the non-Michael Phelps of the world.

A couple of years back, I watched a video of supermodel Kate Moss
snorting lines of coke. Now, that is messed up.

Yet, it cost her little. No major makeup or clothing contract that
wasn't immediately replaced by a better one.

Her income went up after the pretend scandal. They simply issued a
kind of "tsk, tsk, Kate" admonition and went back to earning millions
off her coke-weary bones.

That says it all. People are commodities, and perhaps the rich and
famous even more. As long as you're flying high -- literally,
sometimes -- the sun will shine. But crash and burn, and you're on
your own. Go too far, and nobody will even bother to hit the lights
on the way out.

Do we expect too much from mere mortals? Usually.

Phelps is a 23-year-old kid on the ride of his life. I'm surprised
that's the worst photo that's surfaced.

Would I prefer he not smoke pot? I'm not his mother. I would prefer
my sons didn't. You'd have to ask his parents.

But Omega et al should be interested in the fact that despite that
lovely media saturation of the eight gold discs around his neck, my
normal sons would still be more impressed with their mother landing
$5 million a year in endorsements, or, regrettably, seeing a picture
of their mother smoking pot.

Neither is gonna happen.