MARIJUANA LAWS PROMPT RISKY FARCE

It's awful being a celebrity, especially if you're young and find
yourself at a party, where marijuana and cameras should never mix. And
it's not exactly heaven being sheriff of a county with escalating drug
crimes and pressure to treat all offenders equally.

Thus it is that Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps and Sheriff Leon Lott
of South Carolina's Richland County are being forced to treat
seriously a crime that shouldn't be one.

As everyone knows by now, Phelps was photographed smoking from an
Olympic-size bong during a University of South Carolina party in
November. As all fallen heroes must - by writ of the Pitchforks &
Contrition Act - Phelps has apologized for behavior that was
"regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment," and has promised never to
be a lesser role model again. Check.

Lott, meanwhile, is threatening action against Phelps because ... he
has to. Not one to sweat the small stuff, he nevertheless has said
he'll charge Phelps with a crime if he determines that the 14-time
gold-medal winner did, in fact, smoke pot in his county.

The sheriff's job will be made both easier and tougher by evidence
that includes a photograph of Phelps with his face buried in a
smoke-filled tube and what Lott has called a "partial confession."
Phelps has said that the photo is legit. The only missing link,
apparently, is the exact location of the party. What's tough is that
Lott probably doesn't want to press charges because it's a waste of
time and resources.

The law is the law. Therein lies the problem. Our marijuana laws have
been ludicrous for as long as we've been alive. Almost half of us (42
percent) have tried marijuana at least once, according to a report
published last year in PLoS Medicine, a journal of the Public Library
of Science.

The U.S., in fact, boasts the highest percentage of pot smokers among
17 nations surveyed, including the Netherlands, where cannabis clouds
waft from coffeehouse windows. Among them are no small number of
high-ranking S.C. leaders (we knew us when), who surely cringe every
time a young person gets fingered for a "crime" they themselves have
committed.

Other better-known former tokers include our current president and a
couple of previous ones, as well as a Supreme Court justice, to name
just a few. This we know: Were Phelps to run for public office someday
and admit to having smoked pot in his youth, he would be forgiven. Yet
we impose monstrous expectations on our heroes. Several hand-wringing
commentaries have surfaced the past few days, lamenting the tragic
loss for disappointed moms, dads and, yes, The Children.

Understandably, parents worry that their kids will emulate their idol,
but the problem isn't Phelps, who is, in fact, an adult. The problem
is our laws - and our lies.

Obviously, children shouldn't smoke anything, legal or otherwise. Nor
should they drink alcoholic beverages, even though their parents
might. There are good reasons for substance restrictions for children
that need not apply to adults.

That's the real drug message that should inform our children and our
laws, rather than the nonsense that currently passes for drug
information.

Today's anti-drug campaigns are slightly wonkier than yesterday's
"Reefer Madness," but equally likely to become party hits rather than
drug deterrents. One recent ad produced by the White House Office of
National Drug Control Policy says: "Hey, not trying to be your mom,
but there aren't many jobs out there for potheads." Whoa, dude, except
maybe, like, president of the United States.

Once a kid realizes that pot doesn't make him insane - or likely to
become a burrito taster, as the ad further asserts - he might figure
other drug information is equally false. That's how marijuana becomes
a gateway drug.

Phelps' name and face bring necessary attention to a farce in which
nearly half the nation are actors. It's time to recognize all drugs
are not equal - and change the laws accordingly.