ROUGH WATERS

If you really want to look at the hidden positive of Olympic hero
Michael Phelps being photographed smoking what appeared to marijuana
with what appeared to be a giant bong, then here it is: After his
first Olympics, Phelps was arrested for drunken driving. At least this
time, as far as we know, he stayed away from operating a motor
vehicle. This, quantifiably, is progress.

But after that, we have to get into the stuff about being a role model
and his sponsors and his responsibilities and whether his aqua-lung
capacity allows Phelps, who won eight swimming gold medals in Beijing
last August, to toke twice as efficiently as you or I or even that guy
who lives down the hall and is always blasting Pink Floyd.

(In fact, slate.com helpfully noted that since Phelps has
approximately double the lung capacity of the average human being, he
could hold twice the marijuana smoke in his lungs as the next
partygoer. Dude, that is awesome, assuming that the next partygoer is
not the Michael Phelps of dope-smoking, which in college is always a
possibility.)

Some people have not found it difficult to summon outrage over this
story, which was broken by the English tabloid News of the World, and
further disseminated by the ever-vigilant deadspin.com. They cite his
responsibility as a role model, the estimated US$100-million in
sponsorship earnings he could earn from marketing his image, and so
forth.

There will be no outrage here. Just a little resignation, a bit of hope, and
a joke about the Olympic motto. Warning: The joke is extremely predictable.

But then, so was this. Yes, it was dumb. It was irresponsible. This
was the most famous Olympian there is at a frat party in South
Carolina, acting like he was just another kid at a frat party in South
Carolina. He is not. For starters, it has already been established
that he can huff marijuana much more efficiently than those other kids.

But Phelps is also a role model, and not in the mold of Charles
Barkley. Barkley did some ads, but he wasn't sponsored by Speedo,
Visa, Omega, AT&T, Kelloggs, Hilton, and many others (Barkley is
currently on suspension from TNT's NBA coverage after his own DUI).
Phelps worked hard, and then traded on his image. And in none of the
advertisements for his various benefactors does Phelps appear with
illegal drugs. It's not a coincidence.

(And by the way, marijuana remains on the list of banned substances in
sports for image reasons more than anything. Dope is obviously not a
performance enhancer, unless you are competing to see who can stare at
his or her own hands the longest. Nevertheless, because it is a banned
substance, USA Swimming suspended Phelps last night for three months
in an effort to "send a strong message to Michael because he
disappointed so many people," it said in a statement.)

There has perhaps been no greater time to be famous - the money is
better than ever, or will be until the economy forces the NHL players
to give back 25% of their salaries. Jesse Owens showed up Hitler at
the Olympics, but he never got rich. Phelps has.

But if you are inclined towards privacy, this is the worst time in
human history to be famous - with cellphone cameras, tabloids, blogs,
the Internet, and a culture that cannot inhale enough empty celebrity
popcorn. The Associated Press, long a discerning and by-the-book wire
service, added 21 reporters last year purely to report on celebrity
news. They cut their workforce later in the year, of course, but the
point remains.

So yes, after that DUI four years ago, Phelps should have known
better. However defensible his post-Olympic binges - and if you had
trained hard for 317 consecutive days before delivering the greatest
Olympic performance in history, you would probably cut loose, too -
anonymity was not an option. You want to have fun? Throw your own parties.

But how should Phelps be punished, exactly? The local sheriff has said
he might charge Phelps with a crime, but that seems unlikely. Phelps
will not be banned from international competition. With the exception
of Kellogg's, which dropped him Thursday his sponsors have stood
behind him - perhaps, in one case, because Phelps appeared to be
wearing an Omega watch in the photo.

(Also, on the subject of the Olympic motto of Swifter, Higher, Stronger:
Phelps might have gotten higher, but he wasn't so swift. See? Quite
predictable.)

So what now? Overall, Phelps has been defended more often than he has
been castigated, including in this corner. And the point has been
made: What if, instead of Phelps, it was a photo of Olympic gold
medallist LeBron James rocking a bong? What if it was Usain Bolt?
Would the sponsors melt away? Would the firestorm begin? Probably,
yes. That's not Phelps' fault, though; it's the responsibility of the
rest of us.

Phelps will likely face some genuine disappointment from his mother,
Debbie, who is a middle school principal. He is apparently being
hassled by paparazzi. Other than that, the worst-case scenario is that
Phelps essentially gets a pass, and merrily carries on until he
resumes training.

The best-case scenario, however, is that he repeats what he did after
the DUI - that he accepts responsibility, that he speaks to kids about
how not to make the same boneheaded decisions he has made, and that he
learns from his mistakes. This is the story of Michael Phelps,
repeating: superhuman, and human.