JUST TELL KIDS HOW YOU KNOW ABOUT DRUGS

Becky Harmon of Marietta has long warned her teenage son, Joseph, about
the insidious nature of drugs and alcohol: "They can ravage your body;
kill your dreams," she's told him.

Joseph, now 14, recently fired back with the question parents know is
coming but hope to avoid: "Mom, have you ever done drugs?"

And suddenly, Harmon, a 44-year-old life coach who leads classes coined
"Success -- Not Sabotage," was forced to grapple with a slice of
personal history from her college days that threatened to sabotage her
moral standing.

Those two times she smoked marijuana and the multiple times she drank
herself silly. Should she tell her son the truth and risk looking like a
hypocrite? Or lie and face a loss of credibility?

For Harmon, there was only one appropriate response: Come clean.

"I never saw the value in lying," she said. "When you begin to hide
things, you create shame, and I don't want to go down that road."

So, she said, "I told him yes -- I tried pot in college and it made me
sick and loopy and I didn't like it and I knew I would go nowhere if I
continued down the path."

Harmon's honesty and willingness to keep the door open to questions about
drugs seems to have paid off. Joseph was impressed.

"I think it's cool that she told me," he said. "And she talked about it,
how it's disgusting. I feel like I learned that from that."

Harmon could be a poster child for a new and bold campaign from the
Partnership for a Drug-Free America. Running as public service
announcements in other media across the country, it aims to persuade more
parents to open up about their past drug use, even suggesting that a
history of drug use could be used to their advantage.

"What we found is the single biggest reason so many parents are reluctant
to start the conversation is they are afraid about coming across as
hypocrites," said Steve Pasierb, president of the partnership.

Pasierb said the new campaign is aimed at encouraging today's parents --
many of whom came of age in the drug-heavy 1960s, '70s and '80s -- not
to let worries about their pasts stop them from talking with their kids
about drugs.

A Crucial Conversation

The reality is most of today's parents -- 60 percent, according to a
2006 partnership survey of 1,356 parents -- have indulged in drugs
sometime during their life.

At the same time, a 2008 partnership survey shows, only a third of
American kids in seventh through 12th grades said they've learned a lot
about the dangers of drugs from their parents.

Parents who are anxious about pop culture influences and the ubiquity of
drugs today, including prescription drugs, need to remember that they
themselves trump all other influences on their children, Pasierb said.

He points to research that shows that children who talk to their parents
about drugs are half as likely to use them as kids who don't have that
conversation at home.

In some ways, society is already changing the tone of the conversation
about drug use, shifting away from "Just Say No" and an emphasis on the
unlawfulness of drug use to a broader discussion about its consequences
for health and family.

President Obama has come clean about his drug past, describing smoking
"reefers" and trying cocaine in his youth in his 1995 memoir, "Dreams From
My Father."

"Pot had helped, and booze; maybe a little blow when you could afford it,"
Obama says in the book. He later calls using them "bad decisions." And he
talks about a friend being charged with drug possession and his mom with
her face "as grim as a hearse" worrying about his future.

Obama's apparent frankness could help set a new tone. Former President
Bill Clinton's admission of experimenting with marijuana but never
inhaling became a punch line. And while former President George W. Bush
has been open about his previous alcohol abuse, he has sidestepped
allegations of cocaine use.

Too Much Information?

While urging openness and honesty, experts say parents should avoid
revealing gratuitous details and be cautious not to glamorize or
romanticize drug use.

As parents look for teachable moments -- and there are plenty out there,
from beer commercials to actor Heath Ledger's death to actress Lindsay
Lohan's stints in rehab -- experts say parents' own stories can also
serve as cautionary tales.

Still, not everyone believes parents should tell all. Judge Penny Brown
Reynolds, a former state court judge in Fulton County who is now host of
the TV show "Family Court with Judge Penny" believes parents "have more to
lose than gain" by telling their children about past drug use.

"Children look up to their parents and they might think, 'You did it and
turned out OK,' " she said.

If a child asks directly about drug use, she said, parents shouldn't lie,
but they should not dwell on the subject, either.

"They could say, 'I don't want to get into it, but yes, I did and I regret
it,' and then move on to talking about the consequences of using drugs and
look for other real-life examples."

Randy Haveson, a national speaker on substance abuse who lives in
Marietta, believes his own story could someday be the most potent one for
his now 3-year-old daughter, Eden.

His story goes like this: He had his first drink at 13. Before long, he
started smoking marijuana and then eventually got hooked on cocaine. He
was kicked out of college. He was fired from a job delivering pizza.

His life, he said, "was a complete mess." He spiraled into deep despair,
hitting bottom with feelings that he didn't want to live anymore.

But Haveson sought treatment and has been clean for 24 years. He recently
founded the Hero House, a drug and alcohol recovery treatment center for
college-age students.

He says he doesn't think he'll divulge every detail of his harrowing
journey, but he doesn't want his daughter to repeat his mistakes.

"When she asks if I did drugs, I will tell her 'Yeah, I did do drugs and I
thought it was cool and I thought it would make me more charming. And I
was wrong. And I don't do drugs anymore. I realized my ability to be
charming and witty is not in a white powder. It's inside of me.' "

'I Can Learn From Her'

Back in east Cobb, 16-year-old Abby Harmon said her parents' ongoing
dialogue about the dangers of drugs has been key in helping her make good
decisions.

"It's not enough to just say 'Don't do drugs. Stay away from kids who do
drugs,' " said Abby, who is a member of a band called Gone is the Glory.
"That can make you want to try drugs. But I like that my parents use
real-life examples and talk about the consequences and the repercussions."

And her mom, by talking about trying marijuana in college, simply gave her
one more real-life example -- and one more reason -- to stay away from
drugs.

"It's not like she talked about it as if it was cool," she said. "And I
can learn from her mistake."

Drug Talk Tips

Tips for talking to your kids about drugs when you've done them:

Share what you've learned. Before you talk, take stock. You've lived your
life in a culture where drugs are a fact of life. From the headlines on TV
to your own experiences, you've seen too many examples of how drugs can
change young lives for the worst. Your own experiences are just part of
the bigger picture.

Don't lie. Don't risk losing your credibility after the kids discover the
real story from a chatty uncle at a family party. Give an honest answer
- -- or no answer at all.

Skip the fraternity party stories. Avoid giving your child more
information than she or he asked for. No need to talk about keg stands and
smoking pot 132 times.

Say what you mean to say. Like other important conversations you'll have
with your kids, it's crucial you make the point you want to make. Say, "I
don't want you to use drugs." Then give your reasons why. (Drugs are
dangerous, expensive, unpredictable, distracting, etc.) It's OK to have
lots of reasons.

Repeat the message. Remember, whether you've done drugs or not, talking to
your kids is not a one-time event. It should be an ongoing dialogue. Look
for opportunities to talk to your kids about the dangers of drugs.

Sample Statements

Two ways to say what you need to about your past drug use:

* "I tried drugs because some kids I knew were experimenting, and I
thought I needed to try drugs to fit in. It took me a while to discover
that's never a very good reason to do anything. Do you ever feel pressure
like that?"

* "Everyone makes mistakes and trying drugs was a mistake I made. It made
me do some dumb things. I love you too much to watch you repeat the bad
decisions I made."

Source: Partnership for Drug-Free America

The Teen Drug Scene

Prescription drugs. Teens say these are easier to buy than beer. In fact,
a third of teens who say they know abusers of Vicodin and other
prescription drugs say getting hold of prescription drugs is as easy as
opening up the medicine cabinet.

Marijuana. Half of 16- and 17-year-olds said smoking marijuana is more
common than cigarette smoking in their age group.

Alcohol. One-third of teens who drink alcohol say they like the taste of
alcohol. Of those, almost a third said they like mixing liquor with cola
or something sweet. Thirteen percent said they drink liquor straight.

Going out. Almost half of 12- to 17-year-olds said they leave their house
on school nights to hang out with friends. Of those who return home after
10 p.m., 50 percent said alcohol, marijuana or other drugs were present
during the evening.

Source: 2008 survey, National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at
Columbia University