Annie's Mailbox

TRUST IS KEY WHEN TALKING TO SON

Dear Annie: My soon-to-be 17-year-old son has been caught smoking pot
several times in the past few years. He also recently became very
close to a girl we don't care for. She smokes pot as well, and I have
reason to believe he may be sexually active with her. We have
grounded him, taken away privileges, pushed him into drug counseling
and other things, but as soon as he earns his freedom, he goes back
to the same poor choices.

He gets reasonably good grades and is polite to adults, so they think
he's a great kid. How do I get him to turn his life around before it's
too late? --Worried Sick in New England

Dear Worried Sick: You need to talk to your son in a calm, loving,
honest way without lecturing or judging. You won't convince him to
give up drugs or sex by yelling or punishing, so put your emphasis on
how much you care about him.

He needs to trust what you are saying, so don't overemphasize the
dangers of pot and sex. Smoking pot doesn't mean he will become a
crack addict. It can, however, slow his reflexes and impair his
judgement, so he should understand what that means in terms of
driving, school work and behavior, and what happens if he is stopped
for a traffic violation and pot is found in his car. Teens having sex,
unfortunately, is not unusual and he needs to use protection to
prevent and unwanted pregnancy and minimize the chance of contracting
an STD.

Sometimes kids use drugs and sex as self-medication when they are
depressed, and if your son hasn't had counseling for depression,
please look into it. Meanwhile, keep the lines of communication open,
and hang in there, Mom.

remainder of column snipped due to it being a different question---
- ---