POT ADDICTION HAS ITS PITFALLS

The time has come where those of you who, like me, were straight-edge
all through high school are probably discovering what joys and pains
recreational drugs can add to your life. You, like me, may find that
marijuana in particular happens to be a fantastic remedy for most of
life's bitter woes, including stress from classes and good
ol'-fashioned boredom.

It is you, fellow lovers of the green, who I hope to reach today. I
must warn you, as great as pot is, it might not take too long before
you find yourself smoking just a little more than you'd like. Maybe
you're picking up 20 sacks every other day or scheduling your classes
around when you can get high. Either way, there comes a point at which
it is simply too much, and this is the issue I'm about to tackle. Do
not let people tell you that pot is not an addictive drug - these
people tend to be those who have no experience with such things or
don't smoke quite enough to reach that point.

As an ex-S.T.A.R. intern, I could sit here and rail you on a number of
ways to tell if you have an addiction to marijuana. And in fact, I'm
going to. Spending more money than you mean to on weed, failing
attempts to quit, markedly diminished effect with continued use of the
same amount of marijuana and continued use despite ill effects. Bam.
However, that's often not enough, and it can be hard to apply such
knowledge to your own experiences. So, wonderful Samaritan that I am,
I have taken the time to share with you all a list of ways to tell if
you may be smoking just a little too much pot. If you have any of
these symptoms, please - I beg of you - get help.

After calling a friend, you find yourself checking the phone to see
who you called before they answer. more than once.

You get in the shower with glasses on, not realizing you're wearing
them until the shampooing action smacks them off your face and you
suddenly find yourself unable to see.

The scent of a skunk is not just tolerable, but vaguely
enjoyable.

You invite friends over for a 4:20 sesh, but get so baked in the
meantime that you either pass out or completely forget about the task
by the time 4:20 rolls around.

You realize that the "strange feeling" you had over vacation was
"sobriety."

You fill in-class workbooks with jokes as answers, and for some reason
assume the TA will give you a good grade because she thinks you're
funny. (She doesn't, and you're retaking the class next quarter.)

When your roommate comes in and asks why you're watching the Spanish
channel, you laugh at him and ask why you would be watching the movie
if you couldn't understand it.

Upon further questioning, you stubbornly argue that there is no way in
hell you've been watching a movie in Spanish for the last 40 minutes
(but you have).

There are anywhere between 10 and 15 lighters in your house, but you
have no idea how they got there and could swear on your life you
haven't seen a single one of them before.

After thinking of the PERFECT spot to hide a lighter and bringing it
there, you "discover" a plethora of previously hidden Bics.

You take your shorts off. to put your socks on.

It takes you more than five minutes to realize that the reason you
can't fall asleep is that you forgot to turn off the light.

You can't find your keys, because they're still in your car. In the
ignition. And the engine's on.

The reason the elevator isn't coming is that the button you've been
pressing is, in fact, on the parking permit machine.

Michael Witcoff is a fourth-year psychology major.