"The check is in the mail."

"Of course I'll respect you in the morning."

"I'm from the home office, and I'm here to help."

"You will be adequately compensated." The Clinton
administration made a similarly preposterous remark last
week when, with a straight face, it officially certified
that Mexico is a full ally in the war on drugs. Anybody
who knows anything about this subject knows that, in basic
ways, Mexico is not so much an ally as an adversary in this
war.

Just a few days earlier, Mexico's top counterdrug
official was charged with collaborating with a major
Mexican drug syndicate. So corrupt has Mexico's
antinarcotics effort become that the head of the U.S. Drug
Enforcement Administration told Congress there is virtually
no one his agents can trust to work with in Mexico. Even
Mexico's attorney general admits that his country's justice
system has all but collapsed.

Yet Secretary of State Madeleine K. Albright stood up
last week and confidently asserted that Mexico is
cooperating with the United States in the war on drugs.
That means Mexico will not suffer the stigma of
"decertification" and will avoid potential U.S. economic
punishment.

In attesting to Mexico's cooperation, the administration
is guilty of more than a coverup; it is insulting the
courageous foreign leaders who, unlike Mexico's, are making
effective efforts to curb the menacing strength of drug
lords. The administration is also transforming the whole
certification process into a charade. In the war on
drugs, the U.S. is not fighting with clean hands, either.
Our own country is the world's largest consumer of illegal
drugs and a worldclass producer. If our own people didn't
so abundantly abuse drugs, Mexico's drug industry would dry
up. But America's failings in this regard do not justify
the administration's officially branding falsehood as
truth.

Mexico is a giant, closeby neighbor. It's also our
thirdlargest trading partner. But those are sleazy reasons
for the administration to have resorted to brazen deception
last week, when even some of its own antidrug warriors
were urging it to do otherwise.

In return for the seal of approval, Mexico promised to
do better. But when it has fallen down so many times in the
past, these promises are drained of all credibility. That
the administration should supinely have accepted them tells
a lot about its own honesty and commitment to the antidrug
effort.