Source: INTERNATIONAL HERALD TRIBUNE,
Contact: iht@iht.com

The Southern Senator Knows About Devilish Mischief
By Robert Plunket

Mr. Plunket is the author of two novels, "My Search for Warren
Harding" and "Love Junkie." He contributed this comment to The
New York Times.

SARASOTA, FloridaIf you live in the American South, you
immediately see that there is another player involved in this Jesse
HelmsWilliam WeldRichard Lugar struggle over the soul of the
Republican Party.

That player is the devil. He occupies a much different place in
Southern life than he does in the rest of the country. He is a living
presence here, not just a concept.

I have no idea how he got here; for that information you'd
have to consult the works of William Faulkner or the screenwriter Billy
Bob Thornton. But, as Jesse Helms knows, he is here, and as a neighbor
he takes a little getting used to.

True, the devil does have his fun side. Night life in the South is
marvelously seedy and there is a very palpable sense of sin. The biker
bars are rougher the gay bars are gayer (the South is the home of
drag), the nudie bars are nudieer. And ah, the parking lot of a
Southern bar on a muggy Saturday night.

That truly is the devil's playground. With any luck you'll find
drugs, prostitution, gambling and firecrackers, not to mention the
town' s leading minister and a county commissioner or two.

That is the best thing about sin in the South: The devil still
makes you do it. WhenJimrny Swaggart made his famous confession on
television, Northerners saw the ruined shed of a man, his life destroyed
by addictive behaviors. Southerners saw a minor slip that should be an
cleaned up by next week. You're allowed a slip every now and then.
The South is the only place left where you can get drunk regularly and
not be considered an alcoholic.

But some of the devil's little schemes are not as entertaining as
televangelism. The Southand here, as a Soutbemet by birth and
heritage, I'm defining the Soutb as anywhere they automatically serve
grits with your eggscertainly is the land of strange crimes.

People are always disappearing and then being found six
months later in the woods by a hound dog, an decomposed. And there
is a serious devilworshiping problem among the young. Just yesterday
a group of teenagers were put on probation for listening to Marilyn
Manson and then going out and turning over tombstones.

The cemetery vandals I can live with. It's the cat killers that get
to me. Twice in the past 10 years I've had to live through these Son of
Sam type sieges of people who capture house cats and then kill them in
Satanic rituals. You try telling my cat that he can't go out tonight
because the devil might get him.

Naturally, anyone with a high moral purpose must make his
stand against the devil. Every year at Halloween there is a great civic
debate in many towns as to whether the holiday should be abolished for
glorifying Satan and his works.

And any sports team with the word "devil" in the title is a
constant target.

I have a friend who owned a store called Cult Video he
specialized in hardtofind classic and foreign films who finally
changed the name of the business because of all the harassing calls.

Jesse Helms (as far as I know) isn't this extreme, but like any
good Southerner he knows a devilish scheme when he sees one, and
you have to admit that legalising marijuana for medical purposes does
sound s xactly like something the devil would come up with.

Of course he must be opposed. Any Southern politician knows
he must always stand up to the devil, unless, of course, the two of
them already have a prearranged pact, i.e., tobacco.

And not just any politician. The other day I was in that agora
of Southern life, the 7Eleven, and when the woman in front of me had
her purchases totaled up, they came to $6.66. She became hysterical.
The whole Store became hysterical. Weall had to chip in and give her
enough money to buy another pack of cigarettes anything to undo
that terrible nurnber.

So watch out, William Weld and Richard Lugar: I wouldn't
want to get into a fight over tne soul of anything with Jesse Helms.
He's been.taught by experts.