Heirs to Addiction

by Donna Kato

Mercury News Staff Writer

ALEX, 15, struggles with bad grades and tries to understand his mom's mood
swings. Elizabeth, 13, is being raised by her grandmother because her
parents and other relatives fight so often. She finds solace with friends
who could best be described as bad influences.

Ben, 14, is on probation for assault and battery. He sometimes smokes
marijuana, but says he's not into drugs.

And he's tried to kill himself.

Two months ago, Alex, Elizabeth and Ben didn't know one another. But they
had one important thing in common: Their parents are substance abusers.
Now, they sit in a room with a counselor at Eastfield Ming Quong in
Campbell, talking about the sadness, anger and chaos in their lives. Deeply
affected by their parents' chemical dependency, the teens have gone through
phases of acting out, low selfesteem and social withdrawal. Forced to grow
up too fast, they've developed a protective shell and an attitude.

Take Ben, who says he got into trouble when he tried to break up a fight at
school. After explaining his side of the story ``I didn't start the
fight, I wasn't even fighting myself'' he admits to a counselor that he
does occasionally smoke pot, but doesn't consider it addiction or abuse.

``I don't do any of the hard stuff,'' Ben says.

But experts say that children like Ben who have been raised in families
with parents hooked on drugs or alcohol are likely to get hooked themselves
sooner or later. Often, it's a pattern perpetuated by grandparents,
siblings, aunts and uncles who are or have been addicted as well.

``There is a very strong correlation between kids using drugs and their
parents using drugs,'' says Rosalinda Rodriguez, coordinator for the
Substance Abuse Prevention program at Alum Rock Counseling Center in San
Jose, which treats adolescents who have been caught using or selling drugs.
``Kids often start (experimenting with drugs) to better understand what
their parents are doing.''

Generational substance addiction has become widespread enough that
counselors say they now specifically ask about family usage to determine a
pattern and intervene before the problem is passed down to the youngest
family members.

``In the last few years, it's come to the forefront,'' says Bob Porter, who
heads the mental health division of Santa Clara County's Children's
Shelter, where many kids wind up when parents have been arrested for drug
infractions.

``There are a significant number of kids who come to us because they are
dealing with parents who have substanceabuse problems,'' adds Robert
Garner, director of the county's department of Alcohol and Drug Services.
Those numbers, though, are not officially kept, he says, because ``it's not
a standalone issue and overlaps into many areas.''

Experts estimate that 60 to 75 percent of the teens and young adults who
abuse drugs and alcohol have parents who also are abusers.

``When kids see a parent use substances to cope with life's challenges, it
is a model for the child to follow,'' says Anastasia Horn, clinical
director of the Children's Place, the Heart of Recovery at Sequoia Drug and
Alcohol Recovery Center in Redwood City. The center treats children between
4 and 13 years old.

Losing their childhood

The teens who come to the Eastfield Ming Quong ``Kids are Special''
sessions are usually sent there by the county as well as teachers,
probation officers, relatives and others who intervened when they saw the
kids slipping into a lifestyle that had them marching down the same path as
their parents, says Lolita Garcia, a counselor and a family specialist with
the program.

``It's really crucial critical even to get kids into a program where
they get support and are with other children going through what they are,''
says Garcia. ``They need to understand the terminology of codependency and
that their situation is not their fault. Kids tend to isolate themselves
and that's when they turn to drugs.'' Teens who have lived through a
childhood marred by parental substance abuse sometimes end up in places
such as the Bill Wilson Center, a counseling center and shelter in Santa
Clara for runaways and homeless youth. Of the 320 young people who stayed
at the shelter last year, almost 75 percent came from homes with parents
who had substance abuse problems, says Sparky Harlan, the center's director.

``We don't know if it's increasing because shelters are just now getting
around to asking upfront: `Do you have a mom or dad who abuses drugs?' And
we didn't specifically ask before,'' she explains. ``What we see too often
is that the kids' problems come about because a family member is disrupting
the home.''

Statistically, experts say, the kids of parents who abuse drugs are at a
higher risk to do the same. It could be the environment they're raised in,
but there is also strong genetic evidence that addiction is a biological
trait.

``Whenever I hear that drug or alcohol is part of the family history, I
become very concerned,'' says Martha Chan of Adolescent Counseling
Services, which draws clients 11 to 18 years old from the midPeninsula
area and includes outreach to three high schools and two middle schools.
``I know that for these kids, it may not be a matter of take it or leave it
when it comes to drugs or alcohol.''

`Functional abusers'

Her young clients come to her with tales of smelling alcohol in a parent's
morning kiss or finding a stash of drugs in a pocket. Often, the teenager
is too afraid to confront the parent.

``The first couple of years in this job, I was surprised to hear that in
good old upperclass Palo Alto, there were parents who were abusing
marijuana and alcohol,'' says Chan, who is program director for the
oncampus counseling program and community counselor for Palo Alto High
School.

``They're what we call `functional abusers' with good jobs, but it's still
a terrible situation if they come home from work and drink or do drugs to
the point of passing out before they can make dinner or help their children
with homework.''

In such a home, the teen may take on a parental role, caring for younger
siblings, lying to cover their parent's behavior and running the household.
Or, they may try to divert the stress at home by getting in trouble at
school. The child may become withdrawn, unable to find any consistency in
their home life and afraid to bring friends home because the parents could
be drunk or high.

``It is much harder on them when they are older and much harder to counsel
them as teens,'' says Horn, director of the children's program at Sequoia
Drug and Alcohol Recovery Center. ``There's a fragile bond between them and
their parents that has to be respected no matter what.''

Karen, a San Jose mother of three in her 40s, is well aware of that
fragility with her eldest son, Alex, who's now enrolled in the Eastfield
Ming Quong program.

``We're pretty tight,'' she says, ``mostly because we've had to go through
some pretty rough times.''

Recently divorced, she shared custody of the children with her exhusband
until she realized that he was still addicted to amphetamines and alcohol
and not taking care of the children while they were with him.

``He started (taking drugs) in college and just never stopped,'' says
Karen. Her 15yearold son, who has grown up with his father's addiction,
took on a parental role over the years, taking care of his younger
siblings. He's often anxious about his mother's wellbeing.

``He struggles academically because he has trouble concentrating,'' she
says, ``and he worries so much about me.''

The counseling has helped, she says.

``It's made him realize he can be a leader,'' she says. ``He is very mature
and realizes the danger of alcohol and drugs. Because he's worked it out
over the years, I really don't think he'll follow in his father's
footsteps. That's my hope.''

IF YOU'RE INTERESTED

The following organizations counsel youth who struggle with family members
addicted to drugs or alcohol:

Bill Wilson Center, (408) 2430222; 3490 The Alameda, Santa Clara.

Social Advocates for Youth, (408) 2533540; 1072 S. De Anza Blvd., San Jose.

Adolescent Counseling Services, (415) 4240852; 4000 Middlefield Road, Room
FH, Palo Alto.

Alum Rock Counseling Center, (408) 2940500; 24hour hotline: (408)
7294357; 1245 E. Santa Clara, San Jose.

Eastfield Ming Quong, (408) 3793790; 251 Llewellyn Ave., Campbell.

Sequoia Drug and Alcohol Recovery Center, (415) 3645504; 333 Main St.,
Redwood City.