RESIDENT TIRED OF GROW OPS

Living in Coquitlam is complicated. As housing prices rise, families
move out. Those who stay get the spectre of the "for sale" sign on a
neighbour's lawn.

When one of these appears, it starts a competition. And we speculate.
Not about the price. We want to know who'll buy it. Our concern? We
may get a very anonymous, very quiet neighbour.

Nowadays, this is not necessarily a good thing. Especially if the only
time we see this neighbour is when he, she or they move in, renovate
like crazy and then truck dump loads of soil into the living room.

The Welcome Wagon should deliver welder's goggles to places like this.
Inevitably, stuff happens. For example, this neighbour may have to
make briefly pathetic appearances when the mistreated vicious dogs
they harbour get loose to hunt children and adults alike for human
flesh.

So to these people I say, if you need this kind of dog and/or you're
growing or mixing stuff that isn't regularly served at Canucks games
or church weddings, why not try Northern Manitoba?

It's closer than you think, has the most tropical tundra and the
lowest-cost housing on Earth. Don't believe me? Try Churchill. It's
got a Hudson's Bay. The ice is melting. Just pitch a tent and don't
forget Fido.

Peter Bennett

Coquitlam