A Special Editorial Page Report

IN THEIR OWN WORDS

Some drug addicts make it back from absolute bottom. The journey is so hard
and painful, with devastating relapses quite common, that it's rarely
successful without help. Here are four alumni of Broward County Drug Court
telling how they climbed slowly out of the morass that was killing them.

Deborah D.

My mother was hooked on prescription drugs, and I grew up resentful. I
always felt less of a person than everyone else.

For 25 years I drank and drugged.

I never married but had two children and always kept them fed and clothed.

I couldn't quit, and when I hit bottom, I asked God to let me die. When my
mother committed suicide, I gave up and lived with a drug dealer. The SWAT
team hit us and arrested me, and I was actually relieved.

I was offered Drug Court, and it was hope for me. When I'd get a little
clean [off drugs], the bad feelings would come back, the resentment. I made
it for a while, but then I spent a year drugging and drinking without
getting caught.

Finally I got honest, said I was dirty [on drugs] and that I needed serious
help. For me, that meant residential treatment for 28 days. I learned I had
a disease that I couldn't control on my own. I found hope and I got out
scared.

I knew I had just three options if I stayed on drugs: I'd go crazy, die or
go to jail. My older daughter was murdered, and I managed to stay clean.

Now I take responsibility for myself. I live life on life's terms; I've
learned how to deal with that. I appreciate a sunrise or the ocean or a
wave. The Drug Court program taught me to show love. I like myself and feel
good.

Cyndi C.

I'm an addict and an alcoholic. I started doing drugs with my mother when I
was 10, and went into my first rehab program at age 12.

I overdosed at 15. My mom was abusive, and when I married at 21, it was to
an abusive guy.

I was doing crack even when I had a new baby. I have joint custody now.

My mother is a compulsive liar. I can't lie.

I was busted on July 4 six years ago. I was arrested again on July 24 of
that year, 1991.

I went to Drug Court but couldn't do the program. I was arrested again. The
judge ordered me into detox [a detoxification center], so I talked to Phil
[Madan, a drug counselor]. I went into detox and then to residential
treatment, and it taught me I had a disease and to deal with my feelings.

I still go to the groups [Narcotics Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous] and
work the steps.

I never thought I was good enough. [She grabs the hand of a friend, as her
voice trembles.] But now I held one job for four years and the one I have
now, for two years.

Now I have a car. I have credit cards. I never had anything before.

I'm here for me [at a treatment session for new persons assigned by the
Drug Court]. It reminds me where I don't want to go back to. Back out there
where I was killing myself.

We stick together. I can call these people my friends.

Today it is five years, 11 months and one day [since she last took drugs].

Barry T.

I was in eight rehabs before this one. Now I'm sober.

I was thrown out of high school and the military. I was a lunatic. Never
gave life a chance.

My second relapse was 10 times worse than my first. I lost my wife and my
job. I hit the emotional, demoralizing bottom.

I faced 30 years in jail. God gave me another chance.

I cheat time every day I wake up.

I'm here [at a treatment session] because it's what I need to stay sober. I
didn't know how to do life on life's terms. Six years ago I came through
here and found ways to deal with life.

I'm a member of AA; I chair meetings. I'm enrolled at Nova Southeastern
University, seeking a B.A. in substance abuse.

The turning point was this program. Together we can handle it. Now I have
the gift of sobriety.

Don L.

I'm a grateful recovering addict. In 1964 I quit high school. [He had been
an athlete, a running back in football.]

I hung out on corners. For 30 years, I was high on cocaine and heroin.

Five times I should have been dead. I had two openheart surgeries because
of my drug abuse. I could see death coming.

I graduated three years ago from this Drug Court program. It took me four
years to earn the graduation certificate. [It is meant to be a oneyear
program.]

Twice I left the program because I thought I could stay clean on my own.
Finally I was ready to listen.

The Drug Court gave me back my family. I finally got my high school
diploma. After 18 years without a driver's license, I have a valid one. I
regained my selfrespect.

The Drug Court program is second to none.

And a comment from Angel, a July 26 Drug Court graduate: When you ride
cocaine, you're headed for hell.

Copyright © 1997, SunSentinel Company and South Florida Interactive, Inc.