Features - LIFE AFTER DRUGS

'I remember looking at heroin addicts and thinking they were low-lifes. I
said I'd never do that. But eventually I did everything I said I wouldn't
do.' Some drug addicts tell LUKE HOLLAND how Narcotics Anonymous has
changed their lives

We have a tendency to see the drug culture in our society as some sort of
faceless underground monster. It's easy to forget that drugs are not the
problem, it is the misuse of drugs which is the problem.

Drug addicts are widely perceived as vacant slaves of a habit, even as a
problem in themselves rather than people with an illness. This dehumanising
perception reduces addicts to almost subhuman status, faceless criminals.
It is important to remember that they are people, people with a disease -
an addiction - and they are suffering. Addiction is a disease, not a
defect. It is recognised as such by the World Health Organisation and
considered by many to be a condition its sufferers are born with. It is
likewise considered to be incurable, progressive and potentially fatal.
Recovering addicts will tell you that addiction, if it is not arrested,
always ends in the same way: jails, institutions and death.

For many the last stop, the last chance of a lifeline, comes in the form of
Narcotics Anonymous. NA is like a spin-off organisation from Alcoholics
Anonymous, for people with a variety of drugs of choice. The fellowship was
started in Venice Beach, California in the 1950s, by a group of addicts who
had been attending AA meetings in order to stay clean.

As numbers grew, and AA meetings were flooded with sufferers from a variety
of drug addictions, it became necessary to set up a whole new fellowship.
Now, four decades later, NA has over one million members worldwide, spread
over five continents and 150 countries. The founders of NA discovered it
was necessary to abstain from all mind or mood altering substances,
including alcohol, in order to recover. They found that merely giving up
their drug of choice, whether marijuana, heroin, alcohol or ecstasy, was
not enough as it is so easy to simply substitute with something else.

The first European branch of the fellowship was established here in
Ireland. The first meeting was held in Dublin in 1978 and since then the
numbers have grown and grown; membership in Ireland is now estimated to be
in the thousands.

One member told me how NA has led to a complete turnaround in his life.
Dermot (not his real name) is a recovering drug addict from Dublin's North
City Centre, he is 27 years old and has been clean for over 18 months.

"NA is the most important thing in my life today, bar nothing. That goes as
far as my family, my girlfriend and my daughter, because without NA I
wouldn't have them, any of them - without NA I'd have nothing. "I never
realised how much tunnel vision I had in my life. I thought I knew it all
when I was 20. I thought I'd done it all. I would regularly wake up with
charge sheets in my pocket with absolutely no recollection of how I got
them - it was insane.

"And I remember looking at heroin addicts and thinking they were low-lifes.
I said I'd never do that, I said I'd never do a lot of things, but
eventually I did everything I said I wouldn't do. I thought I was a
failure, I thought I was weak because I just couldn't stop using. But I see
now that I really had no choice - I was addicted - I was ready to kill for
drugs, I just wanted to die.

"Every addict I know wants to get clean. For a long time I wasn't capable
of getting help but when people say `once a junkie, always a junkie' -
that's bullshit. I knew there had to be a way out. NA is just ordinary Joe
Soaps helping each other stay clean.

"Today there's so much hope in my life - I see that all the things I wanted
- - I can have them, there not just dreams. Things like an education, a job,
a nice place to live, holidays - normal things." Dermot says he owes all
these things to the fellowship. NA describes itself as "a nonprofit
fellowship or society of men and women for whom drugs have become a major
problem". NA spokesman Mark (not his real name) is anxious to point out
that it is not affiliated to any political, religious or law-enforcement
groups and is under no surveillance at any time. He goes on to say "the
only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using - it's a
programme of abstinence from all drugs.

"There are no strings attached, we have no initiation fees or dues, no
pledges to sign or promises to make. The most important thing about the
fellowship is that it works."

The preamble of the NA basic text states "Anyone may join us, regardless of
age, race, creed, religion or lack of religion. We are not interested in
what or how much you used or who your connections were, what you have done
in the past, how much or how little you have, but only in what you want to
do about your problem and how we can help."

Mark also says addicts come from all walks of life and have all sorts of
experience. The media cliche of the addict as a working class statistic
from a broken home, who uses heroin every day, is far from universally
accurate, even if that scenario is real too.

Another recovering addict who agreed to speak to me was Mary (not her real
name). She is a 37year-old mother and comes from a middle class background.

"I didn't start using drugs until I was about 18 - when I left school." She
tells how using destroyed her life, how her child was taken from her
because her habit had made her incapable of acting as a guardian. She says
her habit led to her life becoming completely unmanageable.

Mary's life has improved dramatically since she has been clean. She too
says that she owes a great deal to the fellowship and is glad she found the
courage to go to her first meeting. "I was introduced to NA by a friend in
another fellowship - I was nervous at first but I got there and I kept
coming back."

While the vast majority of recreational drug users do not develop problems,
some do - and the rave generation has brought with it a whole new wave of
street drugs.

Thomas (not his real name) comes from a working class background in the
predominantly nationalist area of Andersonstown in Belfast. He is 22 years
old and has been clean for three years. "My parents were good Christians,"
he says. "There was nothing dysfunctional in the house - only me. I was
just like any other kid. I was pretty spoilt, pretty selfish. I took drugs
to get confidence, to be the life and soul. They took the edge off life. I
loved Es, speed, raves - looking back, although I didn't realise it at the
time, I was powerless over my using from the word go. I became anti-social
and unemployable. I blamed everyone and everything for my problems, except
the drugs.

"People used to say I used too much, but I was sort of proud of the fact.
And I was so paranoid - every time a car passed my house, I thought someone
was coming to shoot me.

"A miracle happened when I came to NA, I was willing to do whatever it took
to stay clean, I had nowhere else to go so I did the suggested things. If
they had told me to cut off all my hair and wear pink trousers I would've
done it.

"I've been clean ever since and I've started to work through the things
that made me use: my insecurities, my fears, my resentments."

Thomas talks about how addicts from all walks of life, and from both
traditions in Northern Ireland, attend meetings to help each other stay
clean. Political opinions are left at the door for the good of the
fellowship. NA itself has no opinions on political matters. Its preamble
describes "open-mindedness, honesty and willingness" as the keys to its
success.

All NA offers is the freedom not to use mind or mood altering substances,
but for many people that freedom means the freedom to find some peace of
mind, some success, in their lives.

There are probably many addicts out there who don't know that they have a
problem, or are too wrapped up in fear or low self-esteem to get help. And
with a whole new generation of drug users, and new drugs like GBH (a liquid
opiate, completely legal and currently flooding Dublin clubland) out there,
it is likely that more and more people will continue wanting what NarAnon
has to offer.

There are meetings every day, all over the country. There are 40 regular
meetings in Dublin alone. For further information, if you are concerned
about yourself or someone close to you - or if you are just curious - call
01-8300944 (24 hours). NA advises people who think drugs may be a problem
in their lives and are considering attending a meeting, to "keep an open
mind and give yourself a break".