BUCK THE DRUGGIE - THE FINAL INSTALLMENT

A quick recap. Buck, the drug-sniffing police dog has unfortunately
become addicted to cocaine. A family adopts him. The little girl
"loans" her brother her special savings - for a trip to Disneyland -
in order to buy medication for Buck. Eventually, the school adopts
Buck and organizes fund-raisers (with the police, local groups, church
groups) to raise money to buy medication for Buck. However, a small
shipment of the cocaine goes missing from the school. The principal
demands that the cocaine that rightfully belongs to the school be
returned so that it might be medicated to Buck. Eventually Buck is
called in to "sniff" out the cocaine. He points to the little girl's
locker. The little girl protests that all she wanted was her money
back so that she could go to Disneyland.

It had not gone unnoticed by the police that Buck was still the best
drug-sniffing dog they ever had. When the story about Buck was sent to
national newspapers, the New York police phoned to see if they might
borrow Buck to solve the famous "French Connection" case from 20 years
earlier. As you recall, the cocaine from that huge drug bust
accidentally disappeared from the police station in New York where it
was stored.

The little boy asked if there would be enough cocaine in New York to
provide Buck with his daily medication. The officer from the French
drug bust noted that if the policemen who stole the cache could be
fingered and if the cocaine could be located, it would now have a
street value of over six hundred million dollars. Over half a billion
big greenbacks. And, there would indeed be enough to help out Buck.

"It's just a stupid Gene Hackman movie,' the little girl yelled from
her bedroom - where she was confined until her court date for
sentencing - "and it's not real."

"But I'm real. And I'm going to jail." Then she cried again and hit
the volume button on Britney Spear's Lucky, a great and skanky tune,
and yelled that she was a victim of theft and not a thiever of theft.

"The story is real," her father called from somewhere. "When you get
out, you'll be a changed, grown woman trying to pick up the pieces."

The police from a place that sounded like Langford phoned to say that
they didn't need the services of Buck because all the houses in their
community had been blown up as part of the urban renewal initiative
and they already knew which trailers held illegal substances.

The court moment. "If I steal something that's illegal, how can that
be stealing?" the little girl said when the judge asked if she had
anything to say. "If it's not supposed to be there in the first place
and it disappears so that it isn't there, isn't that a good? Not a
bad?"

"I've already cancelled her dance classes, tap, jazz and ballet," her
mother said. "The Dance Studio can do without her and I would like a
cup of tea."

"How can I mete and dole laws unto a savage people and turn a blind
eye to my family," her father said in a prepared statement. "If she
was drinking and driving and I caught her in a check-stop, would I let
her go? Or would I throw her in the slammer."

"In good faith," she read from a statement prepared by her lawyer.
"All I wanted to do was get my money back and go to
Disneyland."

"We need to help the dog, the girl and the story," one student from
the class interrupted. "We've gone far enough."

"Should the little girl go to jail?"

"Shouldn't the dog kick the cocaine habit?"

"If the author interrupts the story, it raises the question of
determinism - of a God in the works - that resolves the story in a way
that is always moral and always unsatisfactory, " the leader of the
workshop said. "Every story that you have read, every thing that you
wish to explore, has this element in it."

"Oh no," someone muttered, even though they had already been given a
free candy bar.

"But, the most engaging part of this is that the only interesting
things that have happened to humans is when they ignore what they
think are the wishes of the gods. Mediocrity, it seems, has no
theological status. We could start with somebody named Prometheus, if
we wanted."

Nobody wanted to.

"Let's get the girl off," one said.

"Let's give her life in jail," someone else suggested.

"I want Buck to be happy and fun and drug-free," a girl with glasses
said. "Why can't Buck get addicted to Girl Guide Cookies?"

"Cause it doesn't fit the story," somebody replied.

"Can't we get Buck away from all of this and happy with his
family?"

One suggested that Buck should be "put-down" - euthanized. "It would
end the story and it's realistic." The class briefly discussed Marxism
and the "utility" that is required of all its citizens. If Buck is no
longer able to do his job, he is eliminated from the social equation.
"Would that be the same for old people?" one asked. It's not part of
the story and therefore shouldn't be discussed, someone replied.

The workshop leader said that Buck was outside the elemental Marxist
equation "from each according to their ability; to each according to
their need." The need is the addiction: it doesn't balance. A number
of students said, at this point, that they had to go to the washroom.
So, the topic had to move on.

"Maybe we have to invoke the Hollywood ending," the workshop leader
suggested. The students who had to go to the washroom returned to
their seats.

Here are a few of the ways the story got resolved:

One: Buck was sent to the veterinarians where he had his danglies snipped.
When he woke up, he was no longer addicted to coke. Instead, he spent a
number of interesting hours every day licking the area where the gentle
snip had snipped. He was taken for lots of walks and was proudly displayed
as a hero who had glory days beyond anyone. He also learned to retrieve balls.

Not his own, of course.

Two: Buck was sent to "Well-Trained Dog De-Tox" in a private home located
in an area that rhymes with Dean Park. He spent two painful weeks in a
regimented environment where he worked-out constantly and slept from
exhaustion. Every time he heard the word "drug," a drug that had been
placed in his body made him vomit. He came out clean: he took the drug
every day and lived happily ever after.

The house was eventually closed by a group that rhymes with "Clean Fark
Wassociation: " all the artists in the general area, some who even wrote
rhymes, were also forced to sell. The new drug that Buck took every day was
covered by Health Care. It was a good daily drug and not just a
habit-forming daily drug.

Three: Buck didn't do too well. His family gave up on him. They drove him
to downtown, took off his leash and let him out of the car. The little girl
yelled from the window: "You ruined my life." They left quickly for
holidays. Buck found a shady spot on a street corner and sniffed
passers-by, hoping that one of them might have some cocaine.

Buck had been through a difficult time. The school officially adopted
him and cancelled their shipments of cocaine. Each student at the
school spent two minutes a day rubbing Buck's ears and tail and back.
By the time Buck realized he didn't have any cocaine, seven years had
passed. And he was content. The girl completed five hours of community
service during which time she collected enough empty bottles and cans
from the side of the highway to pay for a trip to Disneyland. Her
father took therapy. Her mother made tea. The end.

This is the story line, and the third installment, of a movie put
together by Grade 10 students at a local school during a guest
workshop on writing screen-plays. The class happened a while ago. A
number of the ideas came from elsewhere. The story thus far seems to
have generated considerable interest. "Buck the Druggie" was in the
News Review Friday, June 30: "Buck's Second Chance" was in the News
Review on July 7.