PARENTS URGED TO LEAD BY EXAMPLE IN DRUG FIGHT

As increasing numbers of teenagers experiment with drugs and alcohol,
families and counselors are searching for new ways to tackle a persistent,
insidious problem that has proved more complicated than urging youngsters to
"just say no."

Some urge a comprehensive approach of life-skills lessons, including classes
on coping and self-esteem, beginning in early childhood. Others urge tougher
enforcement of current laws and tougher discipline in the home.

One survey concludes that parents should practice what they preach,
particularly when it comes to alcohol use.

"A major problem in society is the mixed messages kids get," says David
Franson, assistant principal at Hinsdale Central High School. "By the time a
kid reaches a certain age, he or she has been exposed to a staggering number
of beer commercials."

A national survey released last week by the Hazelden Foundation, the
Minnesota-based coalition of treatment centers for drug and alcohol
dependency, found only 23 percent of parents say they forbid their children
to drink alcohol before they reach legal age. About 60 percent tell their
children they prefer they not drink, but that if they do, the parents will
arrange for transportation home, according to a recent telephone survey of
500 parents.

Hazelden officials encourage parents to talk to their children about drug
and alcohol use and develop a plan for special events such as proms.

Other experts warn that there is no one-stop preventive or cure.

"We have to ask ourselves, what are we doing in the school system to support
and enhance topics like relationships?" said Henry Tews, director of
Serenity House in Addison, which treats substance abusers.

Tews favors lifelong, self-help programs in school and at home.

"Self-sufficiency is important," he said. "You have to tell people it's time
to grow up and not run away and use drugs."

Lawrence Nikodem, clinical coordinator for addiction services at
Naperville's Linden Oaks Hospital, said parents hold the key to preventing
addiction. They should never become complacent in assessing their children's
behavior, he said.

While many symptoms of a drug or alcohol problem resemble typical adolescent
behavior, parents should never dismiss behavior changes casually, Nikodem said.

"You have to know who your kid is," Nikodem said, emphasizing the importance
of the parent-child relationship. "You have to talk to them."

Signs of trouble, experts say, include moodiness, a change in clothing
preferences and friends, a rapid loss of interest in sports or a decline in
grades.

Parents also should watch for classic physical manifestations of substance
abuse, such as heavy drowsiness or slurred speech, Nikodem said. If there
are indications of a likely problem, such as finding drug paraphernalia
among a child's belongings, the parent must confront the child, Nikodem said.

"Never ignore something you suspect is going on," Nikodem said. "It's OK to
be wrong when you confront your child, because if you don't, and there is a
problem, it's going to get worse. Confronting them may save a life."

Many DuPage County clinics, including Linden Oaks, offer free assessment
sessions for youths and their families. Nikodem said that during such
meetings, a counselor sits down with the teenager, and then with his or her
family, in an attempt to determine if more help is necessary.

Most clinics also offer drug screenings, he said, although some teenagers
refuse to submit to such testing.

"I tell parents who call me for advice to tell their kid they realize they
could be wrong," Nikodem said. "I tell them to say, `This assessment will
help me to understand more about what's going on. And if I'm wrong, this
will certainly reveal that.' "

Some parents who have dealt with a child's drug addiction recommend support
groups such as Families Anonymous, a 12-step program for parents of children
with drug abuse or behavior problems.

"Every parent comes in thinking, `I'm going to learn to fix my kid,' " said
one DuPage County mother, who asked not to be identified. "You learn the
program is for you and the family."

The mother said her daughter, now 20, began drinking in high school. The
family had to learn to set boundaries and let their daughter suffer the
consequences of her actions. For instance, the family is paying for the
daughter's college courses as long as she stays sober. But they will not pay
attorney costs that resulted from a DUI arrest.

Some parents have resorted to a more extreme measure of testing their
children's urine for drugs with home kits. One such test, Parent's Alert,
includes a home urine test that can be mailed to a laboratory for the
detection of drugs such as marijuana, cocaine and heroin.

One Naperville mother, who asked that her name not be used, said used a home
drug test three years ago when she suspected her then 15-year-old son was
using marijuana. She said she read about the test in a newspaper article and
had no qualms about using it.

"You're talking about the well-being of your child," she said. "It's not
anything horrible. You're saying that we have a problem, let's identify it
and move on."

The woman did uncover her son's drug problem and was able to get him to go
to a rehabilitation center.

Critics of home drug testing fear the tests can damage the relationship
between parents and children, but the Naperville woman said that didn't
happen in her case.

Checked-by: Melodi Cornett