PARENTS WAFFLE ON DRUG MESSAGE

JUST say ``maybe.''

Parents are sending this confused message about drugs and alcohol to
their teenagers, according to a new survey by the Hazelden Foundation,
a national non-profit drug treatment program based in Minnesota.

More than half the parents questioned -- 60 percent -- said they would
tell their children not to drink, but would ask them to call for a
ride home if they became intoxicated.

Only 23 percent said they would flatly forbid their teens to drink
until the legal age of 21.

And questions about prom night resulted in a lot of backpedaling.
Nearly all those surveyed -- 92 percent -- said they would not allow
their children to drink on prom night. But a third backed down and
settled for lecturing their teens about the consequences when told
drinking would be part of the event.

``It's not really a surprise,'' says Adele Kempe, family program
supervisor at the Hanley-Hazelden Center, a drug and alcohol treatment
facility in West Palm Beach. ``We know that parents are struggling
with this issue.''

But children who don't get a direct and unwavering response take a
mixed message as permission to experiment.

``The parent must provide a clear message: `I don't want you to use
it. I'm going to provide some very clear consequences if you do.' And
then stick with it,'' Kempe stresses.

Parents need to talk to their children, beginning before the children
reach their teens, and reinforce an anti-drug approach.

But don't lecture. Encourage children to explain how they feel about
drugs, what kind of pressure they're under from peers, and to discuss
news reports when teens are involved in auto accidents.

Parents also must be aware of their own behavior.

``Eighty-two percent of the parents drink in front of their
children,'' Kempe notes. ``If the parent only uses alcohol on a rare
occasion . . . the child will get the message that once in a while
it's appropriate as an adult.''

It's important, also, for teens to look beyond the buzz that alcohol
or drugs might provide momentarily to the long-term
consequences.

``A child is fighting a battle with drugs and alcohol at a much
earlier age -- first use of alcohol is at 13 and of marijuana is 14 --
and he or she needs to know the parent is in the trenches with him or
her.

``They need to believe there will be consequences. They need to blame
it on their mothers or fathers. They need to say, `They would kill me.
I can't.' ''

Checked-by: (trikydik)