THE IMPORTANCE OF SEX, LIFE -- AND VIAGRA

We joke a lot about Viagra, but there is a more serious side to the news
about this hot drug.

Apparently we now believe, based on Viagra sales, that as many as 30 million
American men may have some problem with ``chronic erectile dysfunction,'' if
not outright impotence.

And to indicate how seriously men take such dysfunction, there appears to be
a considerable number of men willing to try Viagra even when they suffer
from heart problems, something that Pfizer, the drug maker, warns against.
In other words, many men are willing to risk death for sex.

Actually, men have long been taking risks for sex. Venereal disease has not
dissuaded them. AIDS has not dissuaded them. It is as if Patrick Henry got
it wrong when he said, ``Give me liberty or give me death.'' What men are
more likely saying is ``Give me sex or give me death.''

There was some concern when Pfizer set a price of about $8-$10 per blue pill
for Viagra. But in some countries, or on the black (or blue) market, it has
been selling for as much as 100 times that. So, clearly, where sex is
concerned, price is really no object either.

Given the high cost, a number of HMOs, including Kaiser, have said they will
not pay for the drug, indicating that a lack of good sex, when it costs this
much, is not a medical problem. Which could be the biggest mistake the HMOs
have yet made. The ability to have sex is more than a medical problem for
men who lack the ability. It is a psychological, self-esteem, pleasure
problem that, as we have noted, far exceeds merely a medical problem. A lack
of sex won't kill you, of course, but men by their actions are saying that
life without sex is a greater trauma than the alternative.

In fact, to show just how big a problem impotence is, I can safely say that
impotence is one problem than men never talk about. Not to other men and, of
course, not to women. Men won't even talk about it to themselves. It's that
big of a problem.

What exactly is it about sex that has made it so primary in men's lives? I
am no expert on this, but many men, whatever their accomplishments, make
serious evaluations about themselves according to a sexual performance
barometer. (You'll note how carefully I am using my words, but this is
sensitive stuff.) And that is because, of course, that while men don't like
to look bad in front of other men, they are panicked by the possible
experience of looking bad in front of a woman. Here again, I believe, most
men would opt for death instead.

So pleasure is only part of the concern for men. Men not only judge
themselves, but judge other men on this quotient.

For example, men who might have some sexual dysfunction will not be
particularly friendly with men who seem to have too much of a good thing.
That is why Republicans are so upset with President Clinton. (The aspersions
I cast are not scientifically based.)

To get this down to the bottom line, men need sex. They need it to feel good
and to feel good about themselves. They need it for pleasure and
self-esteem. They need it for a good night's sleep. They need it
competitively and they need it artistically. Some few even need it
romantically.

The inability to have sex also is considered an ``age'' thing, a sign of
approaching doddering helplessness. All men, in their troubles, remember
their teenage years when they could be aroused by virtually anything, from a
telephone operator's voice to their pet dog sitting on their laps. Those are
recalled as good years. To arrive at a point when no amount of fantasy, and
nobody sitting on your lap, has any effect, is a monumental affliction.

So, indeed, Viagra is not just a drug but the holy grail. And the HMOs that
see it as some sort of happy pill are really missing the boat.

Finally, this being a personal column, many of you will want to know where I
stand on this problem and whether I have a prescription.

Unfortunately, I have run out of space on this topic.

Murry Frymer fantasizes about the news at 750 Ridder Park Drive, San Jose,
Calif. 95190; e-mail mfrymer@sjmercury.com .

Checked-by: "Rolf Ernst"