DRUG-RELATED TRAGEDIES NOT JUST KID STUFF

We spend a lot of time talking about young people and drugs. But it's
probably worth remembering that the danger isn't to young people alone.

Don Burnham was certainly no kid.

"This problem started about 10 years ago - 1990 to be exact. At least that's
when I realized there was a problem," said Don's ex-wife, Marietta Phillips.

Don was in his early 30s then. He and Marietta had been married about 10
years. And the family of four was the picture of success.

They were living in Shreveport. Marietta had a good job with AT&T. Don had
been laid off from the local phone company but quickly landed a job as
manager of a large retail store.

"He was making a good living. We went to church every Sunday," Marietta
said. "He taught Sunday school and Bible classes. And he was the church
organist."

But none of that stopped Don from trying cocaine with his new circle of
friends from the retail store.

Then he tried crack cocaine. Then he was addicted.

'In denial'

"I was in denial," Marietta said. "I knew some strange things were
happening - like money disappearing, bills not being paid. But he went to
work every day. He told me things were fine. And I wanted to believe him."

Once, Marietta summoned the courage to call a counseling service provided by
her company. "The woman said that if I suspected he was using drugs, then he
probably was. And she told me how to bring together his closest friends and
family and confront him about it."

But Marietta ran into an unexpected problem. "When I called his friends and
family, no one would believe me. 'Not Don!' they said. 'No way.' They
thought I was just paranoid."

And so the drug abuse continued. And it became Marietta's secret shame.

When she was transferred from Shreveport, Marietta gave Don an ultimatum -
quit the drugs or stay behind. And with a fresh start in Memphis, Don was
able to stay away from drugs.

The family moved to Dallas, where Don also landed a job with AT&T. He was
well liked and quickly moved up to a management job.

"He was doing fine. He was thanking God for giving him a second chance,"
Marietta said.

Then Don stumbled.

First Marietta tried to rescue him. "I always thought I could save him. I
didn't think the drugs were that powerful," she said.

Then she realized that only Don could save himself. And when her pleas had
failed, Marietta filed for divorce.

Don moved out. He moved in with a woman from his work, Deana Mena.

And that began a stormy period. Don seemed torn between his family and his
drugs. "Sometimes he would beg to come back home," Marietta said. "But then
he also said he was spending $300 a week on drugs and that Deana gave him
money."

Eventually, Marietta and Don did make a plan for his recovery and their
remarriage. "That's when the cat-and-mouse game began," she said.

Desperate measures

Deana began using every tactic imaginable to win Don back, Marietta said.
Pleading calls. Menacing calls. Threats of suicide. Threats of reporting his
addiction to his bosses - which she eventually did.

But even now Marietta said she can't bring herself to hate Deana. She sees
her as deeply troubled, just like Don.

The one thing that hurts Marietta is that the news stories made it sound
like Don had been violent. Whatever his faults, he was never violent,
Marietta said.

Police said the initial bullet to strike Don passed first through his upheld
hand, as if he had been trying to calm Deana. The next three shots were
fired into his head at point-blank range.

Then, police said, Deana went into a bedroom and fatally shot herself.

It has been almost a year now since the saga came to its tragic end.

And Marietta is pained to say that she still isn't sure what the lesson is,
what she could have done differently.

"All I can think of is what I said to Don all along: Your sin shall find you
out," she said.

"Your sin shall find you out."

[Steve Blow can be reached at: sblow@dallasnews.com]

Checked-by: Don Beck