THE TWO DADS

NURTURE SENSE OF BELONGING TO LESSEN NEGATIVE PRESSURES

WHETHER YOU realize it, your kids face negative peer pressure every day.
According to the American Council for Drug Education, the percentage of
eighth-grade students who have tried marijuana rose from 10.2 percent in
1991 to 23.1 percent in 1996. Bureau of Justice statistics cite that more
than 40 percent of 12- to 17-year-olds have tried alcohol for the first
time. And recent reports on gangs show that some members are as young as 9.

There are problems related to peer pressure, but they're only symptoms of
the greater issue: a need for a strong sense of belonging. These acts are
really a plea for connections and a need for a sense of community. Kids
don't drop out, drink or take drugs because they aren't smart enough to make
it in school. They engage in destructive behaviors because they see no
connection between who they are, who they want to be and what they're doing
in school and life -- or because they don't fit where they are.

Nothing can guarantee your kids won't fall victim, but you can increase
their odds.

How do you begin?

Aspirations! Chris Stormann, an academic researcher and expert
criminologist, has studied this growing problem in his work with the Peer
Pressure Index. Stormann says that ``peer pressure can be an important
factor in the transmission of anti-social attitudes and behaviors among
deviant and non-deviant associates. Though our understanding of peer
pressure is by no means complete,'' he continues, ``peer pressure is
particularly dangerous for young people who are already unsure of themselves
and trying to form new social networks.'' But it's virtually impossible to
control all associations they have with others. So what can you do?

Give them a strong sense of community. Not all peer pressure is so sinister.
A peer group can be positive, if it's the right kind. Help your kids find
suitable and safe social communities. One great way to do this is to involve
your child and yourself in organized activities: clubs, such as Boy Scouts
or 4-H, church groups or sports teams.

Help them ``win'' a sense of achievement. A strong sense of achievement can
shield your kids against peer pressure. Find simple ways to help your kids
become ``winners.'' For example, create a ``Clean Plate Club'' at home. Give
your kids a gold star for finishing everything on their plates at every
meal. Or establish a ``Homework Hall-of-Fame.'' Post their homework papers
that are returned with a ``satisfactory'' or an ``A'' grade. When you
collect 50 sheets, buy a trophy, then hold a solemn family ceremony
inducting them into the ``Homework Hall-of-Fame.'' Make it a big deal; the
kids will shine with pride.

Work to develop decision-making skills. Start to guide your kids toward
responsible decision-making. Let them pick out what they wear and eat. Allow
leeway on the little things to show that you trust them to make good
choices. But be sure to follow up with conversation. Communicating your
values gives your kids guidelines to help them continue to make healthy
decisions.

Dump the denial. If your child is succumbing to negative peer pressure, you
can't just close your eyes and hope the issue resolves itself. Develop a
dialogue with your kids about difficult issues such as drug and alcohol use,
lying and sex. If you encourage open conversation when the kids are young,
it'll save you some sermons later.

The Two Dads are Russ Quaglia, child aspirations expert, and Doug Hall,
creativity guru. Send comments and questions to twodads@EurekaRanch.com

Checked-by: Rolf Ernst