GRIEVING MOM BLAMES HEALTH SYSTEM

DEAR ANN: I couldn't help but respond to your answer to ``Long Island
Mother,'' who has an alcoholic son.

I discovered my daughter was an alcoholic just after she married 10
years ago. None of us recognized her behavior for what it was.
``Irene'' was a master manipulator, skillfully hiding her symptoms.
Although she tried a recovery program and then joined Alcoholics
Anonymous, she could not stay sober. Part of her problem was that she
was bipolar and had violent mood swings. She eventually lost her
husband, her job and her self-respect.

About two years ago, Irene fell and shattered her shoulder. When she
was hospitalized, she was diagnosed as an ``end-stage alcoholic.'' Her
liver and pancreas were in dreadful condition. I tried endlessly to
get help for her, but our system no longer protects the mentally ill.
They are free to self-destruct. Our health care system is no better --
pushing patients out of the hospital as soon as they can stand up.

Yesterday, I wept at Irene's graveside. She was 38. She had died of
internal hemorrhage.

How many more like Irene are out there? How many parents live in
agony, knowing their child is wandering the streets and sleeping in
doorways? My daughter could have been saved if there were a mechanism
in place to deal with people who are self-destructive because they are
ill and hurting. It's time to re-examine the issue of personal freedom
vs. mental illness.

Grieving Mom
Sacramento

DEAR GRIEVING MOM: I know of no ``mechanism'' that can deal with
people who are ill and self-destructive and do not reach out for help.
You described your daughter as ``a master manipulator'' who skillfully
hid her symptoms. That compounded the problem. It's bad enough to lose
a daughter, but to lose her to alcoholism must be especially painful.
My heart aches for you.

Write to Ann Landers in care of Silicon Valley Life, the Mercury News,
750 Ridder Park Drive, San Jose, Calif. 95190. Enclose an addressed,
stamped envelope.

Checked-by: Patrick Henry