TAKING CRANKY FRANKY TO TASK

CRANKY Franky Sartor, the littlest Lord Mayor, didn't get his nickname
because he is in favour of handing out free heroin (known to some as crank)
to drug addicts.

He's been known as Cranky around the traps because he is cranky. He should
be pleased. It's one of his more pleasant nicknames.

His hysterical overreaction last week following my criticism of the
appallingly ugly advertising placards, nationally masquerading as telephone
booths, was a good example of his renowned crankiness.

Not only did Cranky Franky send me a fax, he must have come close to
jamming the Town Hall machines as he sent his message to media
organisations far and wide.

Only the Sydney (is that Silly?) Morning Herald was dopey enough to use it,
however. Other outlets were clearly clever enough to see through its
stupidity.

The gist of Cranky Franky's rave was that I was not dismayed by the
ugliness of the new street furniture because of its total lack of aesthetic
value (bear in mind that Mr Sartor swanned around the world testing public
dunnies and park benches), but because the parent company of this newspaper
was a partner in a losing bid for the street furniture contract.

Cranky Franky sells me dismayingly short. Even he cannot be stupid enough
to really believe I may think there is any point in launching a sour grapes
attack.

Fortunately my dismay at his capitulation to greed and excess in the form
of the advertising hoardings being placed to profit Kerry Packer, John
Singleton and Robert Whyte, was echoed by NSW Ohief Justice Jim Spigelman,
Justice Hill Windeyer and the Rector of St James, the Reverend Richard
Hurford.

Surely our small-minded mayor doesn't believe these gentlemen are also
upset because of some hitherto unrevealed connection with another losing
bid syndicate?

If he does believe this improbability, then please issue another release
for the children at the SMH to publish. We await developments with interest.

He has not, however, addressed any of the essential arguments about the
street furniture, particularly the thought that it breaches the tender
document (clause 2.2) because the visual impact is not minimised, nor is
the impact on pedestrian movement.

The fact that there will be more advertising hoardings wrapped around more
public telephones than there have ever been in the CBD before - even though
the mobile telephone is all but ubiquitous - is an indication of the degree
to which he has rolled over before three powerful men and placed their
interests before those of the city he is meant to be serving.

The advertising panels were meant to be integral to the street furniture
and not detract from the aesthetics or functionality (clause 4.3). In
truth, the advertising dominates and swamps the designs.

The furniture was meant to occupy a minimum footprint and be unobtrusive as
possible (clause 62.2). As the Chief Justice and others have complained,
they are more obtrusive than they need be.

On the heroin issue, it is clear that delusions of adequacy have swept the
mayoral office.

The last big city mayor to suggest doping addicts to stop them being a
nuisance was Melbourne's simplistic populist mayor Ivan Deveson, a true
non-entity as mayor in keeping with a long-established Melbourne tradition.

Following any of Deveson's suggestions is a high-risk venture. During the
80s he believed the clear course for business was to effect a consensus
with Victoria's suicidal trade union movement and the quota queen premier,
Joan Kirner.

The unions have since died, and Mrs Kirner, who was never voted into office
as premier, was voted out by the punters at their first opportunity.

Perhaps Cranky Franky has some private polling which suggests that
inner-urban voters support the notion of an inner-city heroin trial.

If s,~ he might let them know where he would install an injecting room and
how he proposes to get around the federal government ban on suppying
junkies, or any of Frank's friends for that matter, with what remains an
illicit drug.

The good Lord knows that Frank has already restricted parking for residents
in Pyrmont and Ultimo, or is be proposing that junkies will get special
parking permits which will enable them to park where others are forbidden?

Heck, he probably doesn't believe they'll need to park in the city anyway,
preferring only to steal a car when they need to go home.

Checked-by: Mike Gogulski