PARENTS FORM FIRST ROADBLOCK AGAINST DRUGS

So there I sat, looking at all those blank faces, hoping for an
answer.

"Nothin'," one of the recovering drug addicts finally said. And
everyone else nodded in agreement.

Nope, they said, no one could have done anything to stop them from
trying drugs. No one could have prevented them from going down the
road of addiction.

If you read Friday's column, you know I visited a support group of
recovering addicts last week, searching for solutions to our drug problem.

They had plenty of thoughts on drug laws (they'll never stop drug use,
but do discourage it) and on drug treatment (more) and on prisons (less).

But when I asked a parent's question, they were stumped: What could
anyone have done to keep them away from drugs?

As they struggled for answers, I realized that I was asking the wrong
people. They couldn't answer.

As a matter of necessity, newly recovering addicts can't dwell on
finding fault in their past. Their job is to take personal
responsibility for not using drugs today.

Of course, I wasn't looking to find fault, either. I just wanted
guidance. But I had to admire the 15 men in that circle as they
shrugged off a chance to blame others for their problems.

Ex-addict's insight

Still, there were glimmers of insight. And a young man from Plano
really went to the heart of things when he said: "Sure, I wish things
had been different. My dad is an alcoholic. But nowadays, whose isn't?"

Astounding words. Whose dad isn't ... ?

Only when I talked to the drug rehab counselors at Homeward Bound's
Trinity Recovery Center did I learn of the factors that put the men in
harm's way.

And definitely the biggest factor is a family history of alcohol and
drug abuse. Senior counselor John O'Dea thought for a moment, trying
to estimate the number of clients from such families.

"Probably 75 or 80 percent," he said.

Hmmm. It sounds like our endless discussions of teen drug abuse ought
to start with discussion of adult addictions.

And please understand, I'm not trying to heap guilt on anyone. Parents
of drug-abusing kids suffer enough. But we have to get real about this
stuff, don't we?

And in that regard, another big risk factor - though painful to talk
about - is single parenting.

"That working mom is struggling just to make ends meet, maybe working
two jobs. She can't be there to supervise her children after school.
She doesn't know who they are hanging out with," said Lynda Blakeslee,
director of the women's treatment program at Trinity Center.

Closely related to the single parents are the hard-charging,
dual-income families.

"Different but the same," Ms. Blakeslee said. "It's the same absence -
absence of supervision, absence of structure."

In many ways, the privileged young addicts from the suburbs are harder
to treat, Ms. Blakeslee said. "The inner-city young person has seen
the devastation of drugs. They understand. The girl from the suburbs
is here wondering if Daddy is making her Jeep payment."

Family support

Amazingly, one of the most important things parents can do, Ms.
Blakeslee said, is simply to tell kids: Don't use drugs. Don't drink.

Parents who expect their children to experiment with drugs and alcohol

are seldom wrong. But parents who make clear their opposition to drugs
and alcohol go a long way in protecting their children from them.

The best protection really comes down to healthy, close, loving
families, the drug counselors said. "It's the only insurance," said
Homeward Bound executive director Doug Denton.

Unfortunately, it's no guarantee. But even when a drug problem arises,
recovery rates are much higher in those strong, loving families.

Just as I was about to leave, Mr. O'Dea had one more thought. "Parents
have to stop being afraid of losing their children," he said.

Losing them? I asked, a little puzzled.

Angering them, he said. Losing their friendship. "Parents are so
afraid of losing their children that they don't set limits or
boundaries."

Uh-oh. Here we go, right back to permissive parenting
again.