'CLUELESS' PARENTS GET SET STRAIGHT

Lifestyle, Grades Are No Guarantee

Study says moms and dads are 'parental palookas' who have no idea
about the extent of their teens' drug and alcohol use

At first glance, Samantha Tish, 15, who lives in a small town near
the Wisconsin border, would seem insulated from drug and alcohol use.

She has good grades and a tight group of girlfriends whose weekend
activities run to shopping and watching movies, rather than partying.
But that doesn't mean that temptation isn't lurking everywhere.

"Most parents are clueless," she said. "They have no idea what goes
on at parties ... or how drugs and alcohol are everywhere. Their kids
are going to do what they want to do."

Tish's observation is supported by a survey released Thursday by the
National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia
University. Among the findings: One-third of teens and nearly half of
17-year-olds attend house parties where alcohol, marijuana and
illegal drugs are plentiful--even when parents are actually in the home.

The head of CASA called the adults "parental palookas."

"Where are they?" asked Joseph A. Califano, CASA's chairman and
president and former secretary of health, education and welfare
during the Carter administration. "Why aren't they walking in and out
of the party? Don't they smell the pot or the booze? There's just a
tremendous disconnect."

The survey also found:

- Eighty percent of parents believe that neither alcohol nor
marijuana is usually available at teen gatherings, but 50 percent of
their kids say they attend parties where alcohol, drugs or both are available.

- Ninety-eight percent of parents say they are normally present
during parties in their homes, while a third of teens report that
parents are rarely around.

- Only 12 percent of parents see illegal substances as their teen's
greatest concern. But twice as many teens (27 percent) say drugs are
a major worry.

- Thirty-eight percent of teens say they can buy marijuana within a
day; 19 percent can complete the transaction in an hour or less.

"Parents are living in a fool's paradise," Califano said. "They've
got to take the blinders off and pay attention. If asbestos were in
the ceiling, they'd raise hell. But their schools are riddled with
drugs. If they'd say, 'Get the drugs out' with the same energy, we'd
get somewhere. This is a wake-up call."

The annual teen survey, a CASA staple since 1995, interviewed 1,297
12-to-17-year-olds and 562 parents (84 percent of whom were parents
of the youth surveyed).

The report also found that navigating the transition from age 13 to
14 is particularly perilous. The availability of illegal substances
spikes at this time, with 14-year-olds four times likelier to have
access to prescription drugs than their year-younger peers, and three
times likelier to be offered Ecstasy and marijuana.

Finette DuFour of Buffalo Grove has first-hand experience with this
passage. Her son first dabbled with alcohol at this age, which gave
way to pot and other drugs, she said. Now 18, he is currently living
in a halfway house, she said.

"People just want to think that this only happens in bad
neighborhoods .. or with gangs. That it doesn't happen to jocks and
cheerleaders. But I can tell you that no one is immune ... and when
[drug use] happens, it accelerates very rapidly. Parents don't want
to talk about it; they don't want the schools or the neighbors to
know. They're completely overwhelmed."

She decided to fight back--not by sweeping it under the rug but by
being candid about her family's problem.

In addition to volunteering at Families and Adolescents in Recovery,
an outpatient program in Rolling Meadows, she started a group called
Parent to Parent, which helps adults find treatment and other
resources when they and their teens are in crisis.

Locally, mental-health professionals agree that there's no shortage
of risky behavior, despite a plethora of anti-drug and alcohol programs.

"When you talk to teens confidentially about being responsible for
their health, you'd be amazed at what you hear," said Dr. Cynthia
Mears of Children's Memorial Hospital.

Other research studies indicate that when under the influence of
drugs and alcohol, "[teens] can't negotiate sex; they can't negotiate
getting home safely; they can't negotiate money; they can't negotiate
anything."

So what should parents do? "Lock up their alcohol and introduce
themselves to the parents of their kids' friends," she replied.

While recent years have shown a drop in substance abuse--the
statistics for alcohol and illegal use of prescription drugs is "not
moving a whole lot," said Dr. Greg Teas, medical director of the
chemical dependency program at Alexian Brothers Behavioral Health
Center in Hoffman Estates.

After marijuana, Vicodin, a powerful painkiller, is now the
second-most popular drug of choice for high school students, he said.

One reason for all the parental denial, say experts, is that they
often feel their offspring are protected by affluent lifestyles,
extracurricular activities and impressive grade-point averages.

However, Jennifer Filpi, a substance-abuse counselor at the Families
and Adolescents in Recovery program, said it is precisely such
intelligence that makes kids adept at manipulation.

"They can spin things and make them happen the way they want," she said.

Another way parents are caught flat-footed is that they desperately
want to believe that their kids are doing the right thing, Filpi
said. "They really want to trust them."

But kids, not just adults, say such naivete can put teens at risk.

"So many parents have put so much effort into creating the perfect
son or daughter, that they can't really believe when something goes
wrong," said David Cosby, a sophomore at New Trier High School. "They
think, 'I've done everything'--and that image has become so solid
that when something bad does happen, it's a shock." Samantha Tish of
Roscoe, Ill., agrees. None of her close friends drink, but she says
that makes her a rarity. "And while parents say they're home when
their kids are having a party, they don't usually go down and really
check ... or kids just hide it behind the couch.

"Really, I'm not sure what parents can do about parties ... except
not let [teens] go."

[sidebar]

WHAT PARENTS SAY

80 Percent believe alcohol and marijuana are not usually found at teen parties

But -- What Teens Say

50 Percent say they attend parties where alcohol and drugs or both
are available

What Parents Say

98 Percent say they are normally present during parties they allow
their teens to have at home

But -- What Teens Say

33 Percent say parents are rarely or never present at parties they attend