PUBLIC SAFETY

Kids And Drugs

WHEN Richard Cameron talks to parents and students in
San Mateo County schools about drugs and alcohol, the veteran family
counselor delivers one central message about substance abuse --
communicate.

It is direct, maybe even a little obvious. But a quarter century after
teenage drug use began grabbing headlines and prompting talk of a
national crisis, counselors say the message is being lost on parents
still uncomfortable talking to their children.

"We've got a lot of parents out there who are dropping the ball,"
warns Dona Carmack, a registered nurse and health teacher at
Burlingame High School who has been talking to students about drugs
for nearly two decades.

"Parents have got to educate their children," she says.

Talking about drugs and knowing what to do when a son or daughter
starts showing signs of a problem is not easy, Carmack and others
acknowledge. Many parents don't understand today's drugs. Many are
fighting their own problems. And, Cameron notes, parents and teenagers
on average spend less than 15 minutes a day talking to each other.

But Cameron and others say there are some relatively simple steps
parents can take to help their children navigate through a world where
drugs and alcohol are readily available.

Learn about the issue.

Most schools require students to take classes that address drug and
alcohol abuse, but the information often doesn't get through to
parents, counselors say.

Drug use today is very different from 20 or 30 years ago,
professionals say. More drugs are available to teens, they are more
potent and more easily accessible.

"Your kids are not smoking the same stuff that was being smoked at
Woodstock," said Cameron, noting that the marijuana on the market
today is many times stronger.

Surveys show that more than 80 percent of high school seniors have
used alcohol and half report having tried marijuana. Far fewer
teenagers are regular users of alcohol and illegal drugs, and
professionals caution against hysteria.

But many say parents must realize their children will be exposed to
drugs when they are as young as 13.

"Drugs are everywhere," said Linda Miller, program director of New
Outlooks, a Mountain View school for teens with substance abuse
problems. "They are available at all the schools. Your children will
see them. It's going to happen. . . . It does no good to try to deny
this."

But unless parents understand the issues, counselors say, they will
not be able to talk to their children. Most schools and local drug and
alcohol resource centers can provide useful information.

Talk to your kids.

With an understanding of the issue, parents must begin talking to
their children early, counselors say. "The time to talk is not when
Johnny is 18," Carmack said. "It's in middle school."

Caring talk

But Carmack and others warn parents to be careful about how these
conversations start. "The message has to come out of true concern,"
Miller said. "Don't accuse. Don't blame. Don't be judgmental."

Most young people want to be able to talk to their parents, but if
they sense that parents don't understand or respect the difficult
choices confronting young people, teenagers will look elsewhere. And
parents will lose the opportunity.

"Kids can be difficult," Carmack said. "But usually, if the
conversation comes from a very caring family member, they're going to
listen."

Be ready to act.

Even with the best communication, however, teenagers may experiment
with drugs and alcohol, and professionals advise parents to learn how
to tell when an experiment crosses the line.

The signs are basic: a personality change, frequent mood shifts,
declining interest in school and other activities, truancy.

For many parents, such behavior can be confusing and frightening. But
counselors stress that parents must be prepared to face a problem
honestly and address it quickly.

"Parents will discount the behavior as just normal adolescent
acting-out," said Linda Clevinger, program director of Thunder Road in
San Jose, a treatment center for teens.

Clevinger warns this can be dangerous. "It's unfortunate," she said.
"Sometimes parents will wait until things are really troublesome
before they decide to do anything. By that time, it can be too late."

Reason and love

Counselors advise parents to confront their children if they suspect
drug or alcohol abuse, always remembering to talk reasonably and
lovingly. If confrontation fails, however, parents must be prepared to
reach out for help.

It may not be easy, professionals say. "There is still a lot of shame
associated with this," said Pat Cameron, assessment director at
Sequoia Alcohol and Drug Recovery Center in Redwood City. "There is an
impulse to try to control the situation yourself."

Counselors talk of desperate parents who send their addicted children
to live out of state, hoping that will cut the children off from the
source of the problems. These efforts rarely succeed, professionals
say.

"Sometimes the quickest way to address a problem is to seek
professional help," Cameron said.

Cameron and others advise parents to ask a family doctor or a school
counselor for local centers that work with addicted young people. Make
some calls, counselors say, and choose a place that feels comfortable.
Many offer free assessments for families.

"Don't wait until it's too late," Clevinger said.

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