PARTY POOPERS

When CU was ranked the nation's top party school in the
2003 Princeton Review, school administration hit the panic button. CU
officials immediately questioned the Review's survey methodology,
quickly pointed out that the Princeton Review had no affiliation with
the Ivy League Princeton-well, duh!-and launched a PR machine to
illuminate the scholarly achievements by the Buffaloes-ones not
related to record-setting keg stands or the horticulture of
tetrahydrocannabinols.

And to the chagrin of more than one CU alumnus on staff here at the
B-dub (and incoming freshmen with Animal House aspirations), the spin
doctoring seems to be working. One year after the administration began
pimping its faculty's Nobel Prizes and other academic accolades, CU
dropped to 9th in the prestigious party school rankings, and last year
fell completely out of the sacred top 10. Well, this year's results
are in, and the Buffs are out-again.

What happened to the great party school we once loved? Are we all so
old and decrepit that we've forgotten what it feels like to hold a keg
stand for a 30-count, sink a game-winning beer pong shot or discuss
the intricacies of Chevy Chase's filmography directly following a
heroic series of bong hits? These are things we all must experience
and savor; it's part of the coming-of-age process.

And don't think we'll soon forget about campus police's Nazi-esque
tactics last April 20, when they shut down Farrand Field and incited
the most violent pot-related rebellion in history (a few sprinkler
heads were kicked in disgust).

Something needs to change. Students need a little leeway to have
fun-good, dirty, experimental, free-lovin', riotous, drug-induced fun.
So we say, party on, party people. Let's put CU back on top in the
party rankings.