ANN LANDERS

ALCOHOL AND DRUGS DO NOT CAUSE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Dear Ann: I am an assistant district attorney who prosecutes domestic
violence cases. I want to comment on
your response to "Gave Up in Pennsylvania," whose neighbor refused to press
charges against her abusive
boyfriend. You said alcohol and drugs can be a major factor in abusive
situations and she should not stop
calling the police.

I agree with that advice but would like to clarify something. Alcohol and
drugs do not cause domestic violence. Abuse is about power and control.
Drugs and alcohol can be an excuse that the abuser uses to seek forgiveness.
"I was drunk and didn't know what I was doing" allows her to give him
another chance.

A woman who has spent years at the hands of a batterer is likely to be
completely controlled by him and literally unable to act against his wishes.
She probably has been isolated from her friends and family and
is financially dependent on her batterer. He has no doubt told her if she
leaves, he will find her and kill her. He may have told her that he will
take the children away and she will never see them again. She believes him.

Often, an abused woman takes her abuser back into her life not because she
wants to but because she believes it is the safest course of action. She
knows she could survive a beating, but if she tries to escape, she could be
killed. And it's true. Studies show that a battered woman's level of danger
rises dramatically when she leaves
her abuser. Many women, knowing a violent episode is imminent, will "choose"
the moment so that their children won't be home or their neighbors can hear
the screams. It is a terrible position to be in.

I want to tell "Gave Up" that her emergency call to the police stopped that
moment's cycle of violence. Please tell her to keep calling 911 so this
woman can stay alive until she reaches the point where she can help us to
help her.

D.J. Rosenbaum, assistant district attorney, Albany, N.Y.

Thank you for some excellent advice. I am sure I speak for my millions of
readers when I say your counsel is greatly appreciated.