NUDIST POT-SMOKERS SEEK FEDERAL GROWING CONTRACT

Church Proposes To Convert Jail Into Farm To Grow Pot For Sick

They have the experience.

The federal government officially unveiled its plan for clinical trials of
marijuana only yesterday, but Allan Rock, the Health Minister, has already
received one intriguing application from a group seeking the contract to
supply researchers with medical-grade pot. The Reverend Brothers Michael
Baldasaro and Walter A. Tucker, of the Church of the Universe, a Hamilton,
Ont. based denomination that practices nudity and uses marijuana as a
sacrament, want to turn a soon-to-be closed provincial jail into the
country's most secure farm.

"It would be the same security system.

Everything is in place," Brother Tucker said yesterday, of the
church's proposal to find a new use for the Guelph Correctional
Centre. "You move the people out, bring in the plants, put in a few
more lights and you've got a grow-room that can't be compared anywhere
in Canada."

The 88-year-old facility, formerly knows as the Ontario Reformatory,
is slated to be shut down later this year.

Under the plan Mr. Rock tabled in the House of Commons yesterday, the
federal government will spend $3.-million to study marijuana's
effectiveness in helping AIDS and cancer patients stimulate their appetites
and control nausea and vomiting, relieving muscle pain and spasms in
multiple sclerosis patients, and glaucoma sufferers' eye pain.

The three-phase project will look at the relative benefits of pot smoke,
extracts and chemically synthesized THC - the active component in the drug.
The plan also calls on Health Canada to secure a dependable source of high
quality marijuana.

The Church of the Universe strongly supports the medical use of
marijuana and already donates some of its own supply of the plant to
the clubs that have sprung up across the country to provide sick
people with access to the illicit drug.

The bearded brothers Baldasaro and Tucker, Archbishop and Abbot of the
church respectively, have had their own brushes with the courts over the
last 30 years because of Canada's prohibition on marijuana. But they say
the trafficking and possession charges simply prove the church has the
necessary expertise the government and private industry lacks.

"Of course they can't get the quality" scoffed Brother Baldasaro, who waged
an unsuccessful campaign for the leadership of the federal Progressive
Conservative party last summer. "They keep breaking down the doors and
stealing the grow equipment from the poor farmers."

Brother Baldasaro said the church wants to be involved in the clinical
trials to ensure that the research is conducted with top-grade-but. He
fears the federal government will endeavor to skew the results by using
inferior pot. And, as serendipity would have it, the church already has an
expert standing by on site ready to implement their proposal. Brother
Kornelis Klevering will be a guest of the jail until October, following his
conviction for cultivating a field of some 300 plants.

"He's our man. He's our main grower. He has degrees from the University of
Guelph in agriculture," said Brother Baldasaro, "The man is eminently
qualified for anything to do with the hemp plant."

A spokesman for Mr. Rock declined to comment on the church's proposal, but
suggested it might be a bit premature. Health Canada is currently working
on a business plan, said Derek Kent, and won't be calling for applications
until later this year. The brothers, however, are perfectly willing to
wait for an official response.

"We don't mind if they set the criteria," said Brother TUcker, "All
they have to do is give us the OK. We've got the seeds. We're ready to
go."