HERE'S THE FULL STORY

Aug. 18 -- George W. Bush breaks his policy of refusing to respond to
unsubstantiated rumors about cocaine use by implying that he has not
used drugs in the past seven years.

Aug. 19 -- Mr. Bush adds to the speculation when he implies that he
has not used illegal drugs in the past 25 years.

Aug. 29 -- Taking the advice of aides, Mr. Bush tries to quell the
growing controversy by issuing a new statement: "I have never used an
illegal drug . . . in Delaware." When reporters ask him about the
other 49 states, Mr. Bush says he refuses to play the news media's
game of "gotcha politics."

Aug. 30 -- In an attempt to meet reporters' incessant demands that he
be more forthcoming, Mr. Bush releases a detailed list of 18,383 days
when he could have passed a drug test. Reporters later point out that
the list omits nearly 1,000 days of the 53-year-old Governor's life --
including several New Year's Eves from the 1970's and his entire
junior year at Yale. An angry Bush refuses to say anything more on the
topic, claiming he won't allow the press to "drag him into the gutter."

Sept. 3 -- With reporters clamoring for answers, Mr. Bush calls a news
conference to announce: "There has been a great deal of rumor and
innuendo flying around, so let me just say once and for all -- George
Bush has never done cocaine!" When a reporter asks if George W. Bush
has ever done cocaine, Mr. Bush condemns the "feeding frenzy" and
takes no more questions.

Sept. 8 -- The Bush camp is dealt a severe blow when Bob Dole
announces he will not endorse him. Sensing an opportunity, Elizabeth
Dole makes meat loaf for dinner (Bob's favorite).

Sept. 14 -- Mr. Bush dismisses a reporter's question about cocaine by
saying, "While the press wants to focus on sleaze, I'm intent on
dealing with the real issues affecting the future of this country."
The Governor then rushes off to a photo op with a newborn panda at a
New Hampshire zoo.

Sept. 15 -- When asked about the escalation in fighting in Dagestan,
an angry Mr. Bush reminds reporters he's interested in discussing
"real issues." With that, he gets on a plane to Dallas to attend a
$1,000-a-plate fund-raiser.

Sept. 17 -- Mr. Bush mentions that if elected, the first thing he'll
do is make Colombia a state. Though his aides noted that he meant the
District of Columbia, the gaffe drops him below Alan Keyes and Dan
Quayle in the polls, and hopelessly behind the new G.O.P. front-runner
- -- William Bennett.
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Tom Ruprecht Is A Writer For The "Late Show With David
Letterman."