HERE'S THE DOPE ON MELEE

Sept. 8 - Clearly, without a doubt, no evidence to the contrary, the final
verdict is in: Police caused the Mile High Melee after the CUCSU football
game last weekend.

You've heard most of the arguments, I know. The eyewitness statements, the
mayor's declaration of exoneration, the talk-show accusations from both sides.

But what you haven't heard yet - until just now - is the most compelling
evidence that settles the issue.

The trouble was caused by rabble rousers from Larimer County (CSU fans),
who showed up at the stadium drunk and disorderly, while the visitors from
Boulder County (CU fans) were relatively well-behaved and just out for an
evening of peaceful revelry.

That is why police are to blame.

As recent news reports have documented, the Larimer County sheriff swooped
down on a sprawling ranch two weeks ago and raided the campsites of 2,000
people at the 25th annual Bong-A-Thon, confiscating a large quantity of
marijuana and leaving Larimer County without weed.

The supply in Boulder County, meanwhile, went uninterrupted.

When the two contingents merged at Mile High Stadium for the Big Game last
weekend, one was really cool and one was agitated. By the end of the game,
when all the beer and smuggled booze had run out, the CSU crowd went wild.
The CU crowd was, well, mellow.

Quite obviously, the Larimer County sheriff's department is to blame for
the crazed behavior of the CSU crowd.

But it doesn't stop there. There are other lessons to be learned.

As Mayor Wellington Webb, his police commanders, the Denver Broncos and the
universities' administrations meet over the next few weeks, there are many
items that ought to be on their agendas:

- - When the Broncos score their first touchdown during the Monday Night
Football opener next week, and the Broncos' mascot - a white stallion named
Thunder - runs onto the field, should he be blinded by pepper spray?

- - Should the CU football program consider using tear gas in its defense,
the only thing that seems effective in stopping CSU's rush?

- - Is there any truth to the rumor that Denver police had to use their
inventory of tear gas because the canisters had an expiration date of 9/9/99?

- - What happens if a Denver cop sees a little kid run onto the field after a
Denver Broncos kickoff to grab the kickoff tee, and the police officer
decides to gas the child?

- - There should be an investigation into accusations that the hooligans who
were trying to climb the security fence actually were so drunk they were
just trying to get out to inhale those big, white lines on the field.

- - The cops should be given more precise directions on which side of the
field to line up on. They were told to guard the sidelines of the school
with a reputation as being Colorado's football-powerhouse-party-school, but
they went to CSU's side instead.

- - Next time these two teams meet, Boulder police should not be assigned the
task of checking back packs at the gate. Witnesses said that instead of
looking for bottles of booze, the Boulder cops spent their time
interrogating every ticket holder about where they were the night Jon Benet
was murdered.