LEAVING POT BEHIND HELPS READER GO FROM `DREAMER' TO `DOER'

DEAR Ann Landers: I am writing to let you know what an influence your column
had on my life. Twenty years ago, when I was in my early 20s, you printed a
column about marijuana.

You expressed concern that marijuana may have "taken a generation of doers
and turned them into a generation of dreamers." That single sentence was my
wake-up call. I used to smoke pot daily.

I somehow managed to get through college (barely) and hold down a job, but I
didn't feel connected to anything, and I wasn't getting anywhere.

Every night I would get high and write down in a journal all the things I
planned to do. After reading your column, I realized I had been doing the
same thing year after year and was getting nowhere.

I decided at that moment I had to quit smoking pot. I can't begin to tell
you how my life changed.

I became bored with my party-animal boyfriend, and later married a wonderful
man I wouldn't have looked at twice while I was hanging out with the doper
crowd.

I went back to school, earned a master's degree and got an excellent
position with a Fortune 500 company.

Not only did my work life and love life improve drastically, but I also
developed some badly needed self-esteem. It was your column on marijuana
that helped me turn my life around, and I want to write a belated "thank
you."

- -- Margie in Tennessee

Dear Tennessee: I very much appreciate your generous letter.

Please keep reading for one that should be of special interest to you:

Dear Ann Landers: Last fall, my teen-age son began smoking marijuana and was
soon totally out of control.

I sent him away to a special program for a short time. He is much better
now, but I was heartsick at the time and could not understand how my son
could have gotten into so much trouble. Two weeks ago, the truth came out,
and I am furious. Last summer, I sent my two teen-agers to visit their uncle
and aunt across the country. I decided it would be a good way for my brother
and his wife to get to know their niece and nephew.

I also believed that my brother would be a good role model.

I was mistaken.

He and his wife smoked pot in front of my kids, offered it to them and made
them promise not to tell me2E My brother believes marijuana is not harmful,
even though their oldest daughter has been in trouble with the law because
of cocaine.

I remember reading in your column a while back that most cocaine addicts
start with pot. My brother and his wife insist there is no connection
between their casual use of pot and their child's current problems. I now
believe that my brother and his wife contributed to my son's problems and am
considering suing them for the cost of the special program I put my son in.
My friends and family say I should forgive them because no long-term harm
was done. I am so angry about this that I am considering a break with the
entire family.

Please advise.

- -- A Canadian Mom Dear Mom: A pox on your brother and his wife for
introducing your son to marijuana. Be thankful the "special program" was a
success, but forget about a lawsuit and becoming estranged from the family.

Retaliation is never a good idea. It could invite an ongoing battle, which
nobody wins. Next summer, see that your son has a local job, and keep your
eye on his companions. This is the best insurance that he will not go down
that disastrous road. Good luck.

Write to Ann Landers care of Creators
Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, Calif. 90045.