AND OUT OF THE BLUE -- PREDICTIONS FOR A MILLENNIUM YEAR TIMES TWO

This is it folks -- the final Out of the Blue comment for the century.

With millennial predictions in mind and Y2K so close, I've turned from my
non-compliant crystal ball to the ever-friendly voices in my head. They
always whisper friendly things, and lately they're telling of a swing to the
right -- starting in the new decade.

Not that I'm loyal to right or left, but here's a wingless look at what
might happen:

The present government will be voted out (not much prognosticating there)
and in response to a public outcry, the new one will turn an eye to the
puzzle of criminal behaviour.

"Can't afford to keep crooks in jail" has been the chant for so long we've
been blinded to reason. Now, instead of griping over the North American Free
Trade Agreement, we'll farm our incarceration out to a nation with some
enthusiasm for it: Mexico!

Oh yes, I know -- jail time in Mexico has long been something to fear. We
hear of poor food, bugs in beds and toilets, loss of keys, etc. But with
such a boost being offered to their economy, the Mexican government would be
sure to agree to whatever codes of conduct we insist on.

Committees, comprised of disgraced but stubbornly compassionate lefties
could be flown down, to check things out. Just for old time's sake, they'd
be put up at needlessly posh beachside resorts.

While the loudest of them are out of the country, the quiet majority will
take a day or three to solve our street drug problem:

The north side of the 100-block east Hastings will be levelled, to make room
for a mammoth drug treatment centre. Inside, qualifying addicts will have
access to any drug they want -- cocaine, heroin, ecstasy or model airplane
glue.

Choice of high is irrelevant: the catch is that once they're approved for
the free dope program they can't leave.

They'll be well fed, clothed and housed. Doctors will be on hand to bring
them back from the inevitable overdoses, to patch them up from the
inevitable self-attacks.

Should they ever tire of their near-death narcotic states, they can enter
the east wing: a state-of-the-art detox and rehabilitation facility.

There, they'll be cleaned up, counselled and set loose for a try at
drug-free living in the real world.

Even out of province types could be welcomed, once we worked out a financial
deal with their region of origin. Doubtless we'd see a flood of eastern
criminals, fleeing warrants effective only in Quebec and Ontario -- here to
make themselves wretched enough to merit entry to the facility.

Too easy: Next time the loud left is sent off to Mexico, we'll institute a
system of train shuttles. We'll fill a rail car with eastern crooks, and
send it trundling off, Ontario-bound. There, it would be filled with B.C.
and Alberta bad guys and sent back.

The shuttle would be well enough appointed to make the trip enjoyable. Just
for fun, it could be a smaller version of the free dope clinic, with
on-board parties to match those on the mythical hell-bound train.

I guarantee you the current wave of property crimes would dry up, with free
dope available. And with all the addicts being pampered inside, the skid row
area would be a pretty cool place to live.

Of course, our Honduran pals will still be welcome -- subject to a simple
one-strike crime rule.

No one really wants to lose our national reputation as a haven for
legitimate refugees, but regardless of country of origin, they'll all have
to behave.

But wait, wait. The voices in my cranium have fallen silent -- it seems
they're not Y2K compliant either, but it matters not. I can offer a
realistic prediction or two without them:

Marijuana will be legalized inside the next 10 years, and not a single
police officer will shed a tear. Prescribed heroin trials will be conducted
but argued over endlessly.

As far as a wide-scale swing to the right, I don't think so. Business
between police and public will carry on pretty much as usual.

Politicians will still seek to solve problems by limiting police authority,
and with any luck, I'll still be here to entertain you with my take on the
nonsense.

God bless, and we'll see you all in the New Year.

Const. Mark Tonner is a Vancouver police officer. His opinions are not
necessarily those of the city's police department or police board. Tonner
may be contacted at The Province, or by e-mail at marcuspt@msn.com