STRAIGHT STUFF: WE ALL SHARE RESPONSIBILITY FOR KIDS' HIGH-RISK BEHAVIORS

IN THE mid-1990s, two surveys of Oregon high school students sent shock
waves across the state. Ten percent reported carrying a weapon to school in
the 30 days prior to the survey. Another 2 percent had carried a gun.
Almost a quarter of the students had considered suicide at one time, and
close to one in five had attempted it. Use of alcohol and other drugs was
common.

Last year, officials noted that a few of these statistics were dropping,
but they still reported a broad incidence of high-risk behaviors.

Confronted by these figures, it's tempting to shake our heads and say that
we just don't understand why kids do it.

But our children's actions can't be separated from our own so easily. A
recent report from the National Institutes of Health estimated that one in
four young people - some 28 million - live in a family where alcoholism is
present. And when it comes to alcohol and other drugs, we know that young
people whose parents use are as much as six times more likely to use than
kids whose parents don't.

To be sure, families facing chemical dependency need to take responsibility
through counseling, 12-step recovery or treatment. But when we focus
entirely on these families, we deny a more important reality: We all share
responsibility in our kids' high-risk behaviors.

How so? For starters, we have created a culture with almost no tolerance
for awkward feelings. We sense discomfort, and we immediately seek relief
through some kind of pill. We handsomely reward advertising that says,
"Want to feel better? Buy this today!" Both behaviors teach kids to reach
for external solutions to internal problems.

But uncomfortable feelings don't come out of nowhere. As a society, we make
choices that create enormous stress. For example, how many adults will do
just about anything to get ahead, no matter who gets hurt? We tell
ourselves that we'd like to be nicer people, but we wouldn't be meeting our
responsibilities if we allowed someone to get one up on us.

Many adults accept this situation without question. But maybe our young
people see the life in front of them and use high-risk behavior to avoid
the feelings. Worse, some kids, if not the majority, face an uneven playing
field where the "haves" enjoy real advantages from the outset over the
"have-nots." The situation can create feelings of hopelessness, making it
easier to see why someone might turn to high-risk behavior to cope.

Other attitudes also contribute to the problem. Many adults have remained
adolescent themselves, promoting a culture obsessed with image over
substance. We think our children are too fixated on how they look, but
aren't many of us? Our constant comparisons with other people create
intense pressure, as well as a sense of alienation. That's when a drink or
a pill might start to make sense.

These are big problems, but we can take steps to address them.

First, we can admit the way things really are while soundly rejecting the
myth that there's nothing we can do.

If we're in a family where there is chemical dependency, we can overcome
the pressure to be secretive, giving in to the desire to protect our image
and look "normal" to the outside world. We're then free to get help and to
start the real healing process.

Society can take similar steps. School districts could take more extensive
surveys, not fewer, and voters could welcome - not punish - honest
reporting of the facts. We need more media events like the television
roadblock that took place in Lane County last month, where we name the
problem squarely and commit ourselves to looking at it. We can return to
the generous funding of prevention programs that worked so well in the 1980s.

But if we really want to address the problem of high-risk youth behavior,
we also will have to change the underlying attitudes and beliefs that drive
them - attitudes they pick up from adults. We can learn better ways to cope
with uncomfortable feelings. We can address our greed and our obsession
with image. And we can question whether getting ahead at all costs really
is the most important value of human life.

We know that our kids are engaging in too many high-risk behaviors. In
that, they're telling us that things aren't working. It's time to admit our
responsibility and take action. In doing so, we'll create real hope. And
that is the real answer to the problem.

The opinions expressed in this column are those of the writer. As Serenity
Lane's statewide coordinator of employer services, Jerry Gjesvold helps
companies create and manage drug-free workplace policies. More information
is available on the Serenity Lane Web site at www.serenitylane.org.