ADDICTION OFTEN LURKS IN LIFE'S WOES

Bill Meili likes to pose a question to the clients who come into his office:
"Why are we really here?"

The superficial answer is always obvious: legal troubles. Bill is a
criminal-defense attorney who specializes in working with teens and young
adults. And his clients' first answer is usually the superficial one:
"Because I got arrested ... busted ... screwed ... unlucky ..." But then
Bill will try to peel back the layers, asking what is behind the legal
problem. "And more often than not," Bill said, "the real reason is drugs or
alcohol."

Once that understanding is reached - if it is - Bill will sometimes tell
his story. "I don't bring it up every time. And I never lecture. I just say,
'Here's my experience ...'"

Bill, you see, is a drunk and a drug addict. He's a drunk and a drug addict
who found the surpassing joy of recovery. His background is impressive:
Dartmouth College, William & Mary law, a distinguished tour as military
officer and lawyer.

Outwardly, Bill was the picture of success. Inside, he was scared to death.
"It's a feeling that many of us carry around, I think: 'If you really knew
me, you wouldn't like me.'"

Medicating the pain Beginning in college, Bill bolstered his courage with
alcohol. Lots of it. Then came a rough spot of some sort and he got a
prescription for a tranquilizer, Ativan. "It's in the Valium family of
wonder drugs," he said with a bleak laugh.

"At first, I didn't think I had a problem, because I was using a legal,
prescribed drug. That's a trap a lot of people fall into. And I sure didn't
call myself an addict, because that's a dirty name." When Bill left the Army
in the mid-'80s, he moved to Dallas and joined a large public-relations
firm. He told himself he was tired of law. The truth was he was simply
afraid.

He married, had children, carried on with his professional duties. But
little by little, Bill was also surrendering to his addictions. "I would go
home at night and unplug the phone," he said. "Now I see a lot of
significance in that act. That's what addicts are really trying to do -
unplug themselves from the world.

"I got to a point of hopelessness. I thought all was lost." After years of
doctor-hopping to keep the drugs coming, Bill finally ran into a doctor who
cared too much to ignore his addiction. Bill arrived for an appointment one
day and found his wife and the doctor ready to confront him. And that was
the beginning of his road to recovery. It was a bumpy road, but Bill found
his way to a group of other recovering alcoholics and addicts. And he's
still there, more than 13 years later. Back to the law He found his way back
into the practice of law, too. First as a prosecutor, now as a defense
attorney.

He helps clients with their legal problems. But his real joy is helping with
their lethal problem: the dark despair of addiction. We've talked a lot here
about legalizing drugs. With Bill's unique perspective, I had to ask his
opinion. And he gave me an honest answer: "I don't know."

He can see both sides of the debate. But he said his "gut" tells him that we
ought to be putting more emphasis on recovery and less on crime and
punishment.

"Recovery is a wonderful thing," Bill said, beaming with a smile that says
it's so. He did dispel a couple of common myths: one, that our prisons are
full of first-time, small-quantity drug offenders. "Not true," he said.
"They virtually always get probation."

Our prisons are full, however, of folks who got probation and went right on
using drugs. "Patience is thin for people who violate their probation," he
said. And then there's the notion that drug treatment doesn't exist for
people without money.

"If you are willing to get help, there is help to be had," Bill said.
"Recovery does work. Recovery saves lives. But you have to want it. You have
to work for it. You have to be willing to ask for help." Just ask Bill.