OTTAWA'S ARCHAIC MARIJUANA LAW GOES TO POT

The federal government saw the crisis coming some decades back, and wisely sought guidance.

Years of diligent research led Ottawa all the way back to papyrus-reed tomes on Egypt's Pharaohs, and there our politicians found the answer.

Mummification. Can't speak, can't be spoken to, and folks respect you with the same reverence they show a fossil.

What better way to deal with growing annoyance over Canada's marijuana laws that began with the pro-decriminalization Le Dain Commission in 1973?

Health, justice and prime ministers ever since have conveniently shrouded themselves in political linen whenever the dreaded pot issue puffed itself up.

Unwrap the current mummies in health and justice and you'll find Allan Rock next to Anne McLellan, but they're not exactly pale and grey under the binding.

They are sweating, thanks to a ruling by Ontario's Court of Appeal, and they know the wrap must come off within a year.

That's how long the court gave Ottawa to amend the blanket prohibition on pot possession in the Controlled Drugs and Substances Act.

If Ottawa fails to rewrite the law to provide easier access to medicinal marijuana, the possession law for all will be null and void this time next year.

No wonder Rock and McLellan are perspiring. They have to make a decision.

Not only that, but in satisfying the court, the two cabinet ministers will enrage Uncle Sam.

Energized by reruns of the old pot horror flick Reefer Madness, the White House and Congress are far from admitting defeat on their ancient and failed "war on drugs."

Pot possession is unthinkable to the American government, even for sick people who could benefit from marijuana's medicinal properties.

The Clinton administration is attacking laws in some states, such as California, that allow doctors to recommend marijuana to their patients. Clinton's pit bulls are in court arguing that doctors who recommend pot should lose their licences to prescribe legal drugs. The feds argue that pot has no medicinal qualities, and opening the door for sick folks could lead to wide-open legalization.

This mule-headed approach stands in harsh contrast to the wisdom shown by Ontario's court.

"It has been known for centuries that in addition to its intoxicating or psychoactive effect, marijuana has medicinal value," Justice Marc Rosenberg wrote in the unanimous decision.

Among other benefits, pot is useful as an anti-nausea agent, painkiller and appetite generator for cancer and AIDS patients. It reduces epileptic seizures and helps those with glaucoma and multiple sclerosis.

The sufferer before the court was Terry Parker, an epileptic whose seizures have completely stopped since he began using pot under a special exemption in 1997. Unfortunately for Parker there is no legal supply of marijuana, and he was busted for growing his own.

"The prohibition on the cultivation and possession of marijuana is unconstitutional," Rosenberg concluded, and "forcing Parker to choose between his health and imprisonment violates his right to liberty . . . "

As health minister, Rock can now give exemptions to sick people, but does so rarely in a very cumbersome system. In this case, the law is an ass: Doctors should be determining who needs pot, not Rock.

Rosenberg actually struck down the possession law but suspended his ruling to give Parliament time to act.

Rock can do nothing, appeal, or change the law.

The last course is the only honourable one, lest he prefer a mummy's life.