HIGH TIMES IN THE SENATE

HERE in Trinidad and Tobago, people have been taking "pot" shots at
university professor and Independent Senator, Dr Kenneth (Ken) Ramchand,
for advocating the decriminalisation of marijuana. The poor professor was
subjected to considerable verbal abuse for admitting to substance abuse
during his sojourn as a student enjoying the heights of the Mona Campus in
Jamaica.

Some critics considered him a "naughty" professor for having used the drug.
Others think he is a "nutty" professor for admitting, in the Senate, that
he had used pot. There are others yet again who consider him a "potty"
professor, not so much because of his association with the illegal
substance, but because of his claims about its beneficial effects. They
feel that his arguments on behalf of making the drug legal belong to the
receptacle of that name.

The professor's fulsome praise for the wholesomeness of the substance was
criticised by most of the adult population. Outside a church in Port of
Spain, one woman commented wryly, "With a man like that all the schools
will be 'High' Schools."

One of my friends who phoned me falsely claiming that years of marijuana
usage had gone to the professor's head, expressed the opinion that if Dr
Ramchand has his way, the signs on the well-kept lawns of several of our
secondary schools would have to go. "Keep Off the Grass" would no longer be
an acceptable enjoinment to those finding enjoyment in the legally accepted
weed.

A more earnest colleague at the office expressed open admiration for the
professor. "It is not often you see a politician in Parliament building a
head instead of pushing one," he observed. "The man should be the
President." My mind quickly examined the possibilities. A marijuana-using
president would most likely make a hash of things and end up a des-pot or
some kind of pot-entate, weeding out non-users. He would make the
university change from an ivory tower to an IV (intravenous) tower. Debates
in the Senate would be lively. The full pot-ential of our population would
be released. Our taps would have a pot-able water supply and our national
development would go, blessedly, to pot. Our hopes would be high, while our
birthright would be exchanged for a mess of pot-tage. With the free traffic
in marijuana, Port of Spain would become Pot of Spain. Of course, one
letter in the "Ship-rider" Agreement would have to change.

While recent revelations regarding human behaviour might lead us to believe
that there are not many things beyond our ken, there is evidence that
marijuana is not all that it is cracked up to be. Some researchers claim
that the drug causes the brain to atrophy. A 45-year-old woman in San
Antonio, Texas, hid 18 kilos of marijuana under the hood of her car, then
went to a mechanic to repair the radiator. He found the drugs and called
the police. She said she did not know that he had to raise the hood to fix
the radiator.

There is evidence of a relationship between marijuana and increasing
apathy, as well as the loss of the competitive urge, in some humans.

Marijuana smoke contains about 50 per cent more carcinogenic hydrocarbons
than cigarette smoke, making marijuana-induced lung cancer a reality. Dope
smoking places extra stress on the heart. It may also cause haemorrhoids.
Heavy users are prone to respiratory problems such as pharyngitis,
sinusitis, bronchitis and asthma. Dope also suppresses the production of
male sex hormones, inhibits sperm production and shrinks the testes. The
main effect, however, is that it leaves you drugged or stoned, making it
harder to concentrate. One study found that marijuana usage impaired the
abilities for four to eight hours after the feeling of being stoned passes
- - much longer than with alcohol.

Obviously the testicular fortitude of the goodly professor has not been
impaired by marijuana. He later recanted or rebutted criticism. The media
called it "clearing the air".

It seemed, as they say, deja vu all over again, a redundant echo of another
time when President Clinton adroitly dealt with his accusers.

There is a story about Clinton going to heaven and being asked by Saint
Peter, "What bad things did you do on Earth?" Clinton thought a bit and
answered, "Well, I smoked marijuana but I didn't inhale. I guess I had
extra-marital sex, but I didn't really have 'sexual relations'. And I lied,
but I didn't commit perjury." After several moments, St Peter replied, "OK,
here's the deal. We'll send you someplace where it is very hot, but we
won't call it 'Hell'. You'll be there for an indefinite period of time, but
we won't call it 'eternity'. And don't 'abandon all hope' upon entering.
Just don't hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over." That place was
not the Senate of Trinidad and Tobago either.

- - Tony Deyal was last seen wondering whether the effect of marijuana on the
testes can be considered the opposite of being stoned - being unstoned.
Whatever happens, those without sin in this regard would at least have some
things to cast.

- - Editor's Note: Dr Ramchand in clarifying his position has said that his
claims about the harmlessness of marijuana referred strictly to limited
medicinal use and not to regular use or abuse.